Pure Joy

A Few Macchiattos a Month

2011-12-18T07:55:00.000-05:00

Before I tell this story, I need to give a little background info. Ethiopia is the home of coffee. Seriously. And the coffee we drink here in America...well, it's really not the same beverage. Maybe it doesn't even deserve to be called coffee. I don't like coffee...except for those special coffee drinks that come with whipped cream and syrup on top. When you're in Ethiopia, you're offered a cup everywhere you go. A coffee ceremony is performed for every occasion, and black coffee is handed around in delicate little cups. On my first visit to ET I never tasted it, and on this last trip I made it halfway through the week before a friend convinced me to taste hers. Oh. My. Goodness. Now I know what coffee is supposed to taste like; it was smooth and rich, no bitterness, and it tasted like...well, coffee. There's a chain of coffee shops in Ethiopia called Kaldis of which Ethiopians are very proud. Jim and I laughed when we were there; it's been made to look very much like Starbucks, and it was actually a comfort to visit there (even if all I ordered that first time was a Coke; no coffee!) because it felt a bit like home. At any rate, Kaldis sells their own version of the fancy coffee drinks we buy here at Starbucks, along with desserts (which are not a common part of one's diet in ET). The most popular coffee beverage seems to be the Macchiatto, which we were offered every time we ate a meal in a restaurant.

Now, having explained about Kaldis, I want to share a story about a man I met in Ethiopia. He's on the staff of Children's Hope Chest, and spent a lot of time with our team. On the last day we were there, I had a long conversation with him (our team went out to lunch after church, and he and I sat together and had a very long wait for our pizza). While we were waiting, Misikir told me about a passion God has given him. Remember, he is already working for CHC, spending his days helping vulnerable children and their families, and he also has a beautiful wife and precious baby boy at home. But he loves the Lord, and he has seen a need...an opportunity to serve God and the ones He loves, and he is determined to help. He talked to me about young Christians in Ethiopia who are struggling because they do not have the resources to be educated. He described, with enthusiasm, his desire to see young Christians being trained and prepared to assume roles of leadership in Ethiopia...to bring about change in their country for the glory of God. He told stories of young people he knew personally, of how he feels concerned about the choices they are making when they don't believe education is attainable to them. He told me one story about a young woman who had been able to begin studying nursing at a local university, but when she was no longer able to pay the tuition, she considered selling herself as a means of earning the money to continue. She knew that her future was bleak without an education, and saw no other means of attaining it. My friend was convicted that he needed to find a way to help his younger brothers and sisters in Christ. He went home to his wife one day and presented her with his desire to begin helping. He wanted to begin paying tuition for one young woman out of his own income, and wanted to know if his wife would support this. She, too, believed that God would ask them to help, and agreed. This giving was sacrificial for this young family. And my friend knew that there were many more young men and women who needed help. So he began to share his passion with his friends, and even began to dream of starting an organization through which Christian young men and women could be assisted financially (toward their education), and also discipled by older Christians who could guide them toward seeking godly vision for their lives.

What does all of this have to do with coffee? As I listened to this young man's passionate love for God and others, he said something that almost made me laugh out loud. Actually, it was one of those "don't know whether to laugh or cry" moments. He was telling me how much money is needed to pay one month's tuition at a local university. He was saying that when he shares his vision with others, hoping to find support, he will sometimes tell them that the amount needed is "only a few Macchiatos a month." If I understood correctly, the amount was around 600 birr; roughly $30/month. Just a few Macchiatos. It was just such a familiar line to me, yet the illustration he had laid out for me was so powerful. My friend and the other Ethiopians with whom we were eating that day are not living in poverty; they are earning a good income by Ethiopian standards, and providing for their families. But by American standards...well, I am wealthy in comparison. And yet this man was challenging himself and others to sacrifice more, perhaps to sacrifice one of a few pleasures that they allow themselves.

The price of a few Kaldis Macchiatos...a few Starbucks Lattes a month...really can change someone's life. The cost for my friend to support a young college student while pointing him to Christ. The cost of sponsoring a child...providing food, education, Christian teaching. It's hard to measure that in terms of coffee. Or maybe not so hard.

The "Star" of the show

2011-12-14T16:11:00.000-05:00

Sunday evening was the children's Christmas program at our church. Three of the "youth" (young adults!) at our church planned and directed the whole thing, and did such a great job. I was really bummed that I didn't get great pictures (I have a new camera lens, was playing around with my camera set on "manual", and basically got a lot of unfocused pictures. Sigh.) Anyway, I couldn't resist posting a couple of the less fuzzy pictures. E was the star of the show. Literally. Not "star" as in the main role, but the actual Bethlehem star. If I can figure out how to download E's Flipcam, I'll definitely post a bit of video soon. As soon as he stepped out (onto a ledge above the baptismal pool!), I told myself one thing. Do. Not. Look at him. I was laughing so much that I was afraid of snorting. And the rest of the children were doing such a fabulous job, and the whole thing was so sweet, I just didn't want to miss it. But the star...well, you kind of had to be there. Nice job, E. And for Jo March and her team of directors...fabulous. Thanks. :)

Happy Birthday, Sweet Girl

2011-12-13T09:30:00.000-05:00

2004

(NJ, R, E, and baby A)

December 12, 2011

Sweet A turned 7 yesterday. I remember crying when she turned four; I felt as though I was losing my baby. I think I cried when she turned five, too. Somehow, I finally caught on that she just brings me more joy every year. How can I not just look up and say, "Thank You" on her birthday? On all of their birthdays? Okay, okay, I still might cry...maybe when she turns 16. But yesterday, and today...I am all full of "Thank You."

The day she was born is vivid in my memory. She was due on Christmas Eve, which was still two weeks away, she was baby number four, and my babies were always just a little late. I had been feeling a little funny at church that morning, but had already decided that I was not having a baby on that December afternoon. I didn't even have a bag packed for the hopital. Hadn't really decided on a name for little girl #3. At around 2:30pm I changed my mind. Packed a bag, put the children in the van (R was 6 years old, E was 3, and little NG was not quite 2). We headed in the opposite direction of the hospital to drop them off with a friend, then turned around and headed back toward town (I'm pretty sure I remember running a red light). We got to the hospital at 3:05. The birth was recorded at 3:11. She has kept life just a little more exciting ever since. (We had been thinking of naming her Natalie Joy, because Natalie means "born at Christmas", and she was due on Christmas Eve. But she wasn't born on Christmas Eve, and based on some experiences we'd had during the months prior to her birth, we named her Anna Christine. " Follower of Christ. Full of grace". Those were our dreams for her.)

Dear A, on your 7th birthday,

You are such a gift to me. You are funny, and smart, and you keep me laughing. It has been a joy to see you growing in compassion over the past year, and to see your tender heart. I love watching you care for your baby dolls with gentleness and smiles. We all know how much you love bears, and everything about bears, and talking about, singing about, and looking at pictures of bears. But you love your brothers, sisters, and friends even more. Especially R; you look up to her and would do anything for her. I know that the two of you will be best friends one day, and she will look back with smiles at all of the ways you loved her. You also love to pray, and always remind us to pray for any need; if we are driving in our van and hear an ambulance, you are always the one to remember to pray for the one who is sick or hurt. You have also started singing; you love music and dancing and singing, and it was so much fun to see you sing with the "Kinderchorus" at the Christmas program last week. I'm guessing that it was the first of many such performances for you. Your face was glowing while you watched the older girls singing.

As much as you love all of your siblings, I know it wasn't easy to go from being the baby of the family to being the "middle child" on that day (almost two years ago) when we got home from Ethiopia with Y and MJ. You've told me wistfully, with downcast eyes, that you wish you were "either little or big." Big enough to ride your bike to the playground without me, stay up late, or just hang out with the "big kids." Or little enough to be the baby of the family again. But over the last year you have settled into your new role with grace. You are a great big sister. There were many days when it broke my heart to watch you struggle, knowing that your little heart was breaking too...that you were afraid and insecure and feeling that your place in my heart was threatened by your younger siblings. It never was. Your very special place in my heart can never be occupied by anyone else but you. And God knew exactly what you needed, just as much as He knew what Y and MJ needed. Had you stayed the "baby," you would not be the girl you are today. He has grown you, refined you, and loved you. Even as He will continue to do for many years and birthdays to come. I can't wait to watch. I will always be loving you, praying for you, and delighting in you.

Love you sweet A. Happy 7th.
Love,
Mama

Shall I Play for Him?

2011-12-13T08:31:00.003-05:00

I love this video. Love it. It made me dance in the kitchen this morning. Made my heart sing. Couldn't wait to show it to E this morning when he got up; music is his joy. Maybe I could tolerate drums in the house after all...

Enjoy! :)

What shall I give Him, poor as I am?

2011-12-06T07:01:00.000-05:00

This is a story about a 13 year old girl, a set of earrings, and a mother's heart convicted. (I'm telling it with permission from said "13 year old girl). The story begins with R getting her ears pierced. She wasn't sure she wanted them pierced, but she knew she would be allowed to do it when she turned 13. We went away on a special mother/daughter "retreat" to celebrate her birthday, during which we visited Tyson's Corner for shopping and dinner. While we were there (after much agonizing over the decision), she got her ears pierced. She was told that she needed to wear the piercing studs (tiny gold balls which were used to pierce her ears) for six weeks, and then she could change them and wear other earrings. It just happened that the end of the six week time period came just as we were ready to leave for Ethiopia. A few days before we left, we purchased a little set of 4 pairs of earrings for her. They weren't anything extravagant, but she picked them out herself with a friend and was excited to wear them. So she actually packed them to take along to Ethiopia; a bit out of character since she was generally packing sparsely in order to make more room for donations, but those little earrings didn't take up much space.

Fast forward to the middle of our week in Ethiopia. We had noticed that many of the little girls in the Kind Hearts Carepoint had pierced ears. They looked as though they had been pierced with tiny slivers of wood, and often appeared to be infected. After having just observed the sterile and relatively painless method by which R's ears had been pierced, I have a hard time imagining the scene in which those little slivers had been forced through tiny earlobes. Looking back, I'm not sure I actually ever noticed a little girl with earrings; I'm sure there must have been some, but what stuck in my memory was those little ears with the pieces of wood pierced through. One of the members of our team mentioned that she wished she had a pair of earrings to give to her sponsored child, who was one of the girls with infected ears, but she hadn't brought a pair with her. I was excited to remember that R had brought her little earring set, and said that I was sure she would be happy to give a pair away.

Later that night, I mentioned the conversation to R. She didn't say much, but agreed that she would give away one of her pairs of earrings. She climbed up on the top bunk where she was sleeping, inspected the set, and showed me a pair that she had chosen to give away. I, not at all sensitive to any trouble brewing yet, pointed out that I thought one of the other pairs was cuter, and might be a better choice. This is when things began to go south. I hadn't yet realized that those earrings were at the center of a battle going on over R's heart. I continued the discussion, suggesting that she choose a pair which I didn't know were her favorites, and then wondering why she didn't just give them all away; there were several little girls at Kind Heart to choose from (all with splinters in their ears).

She did not want to give them away. She particularly didn't want to give away the pairs she liked best. In retrospect, I can consider that she was separated at that time from everything that feels familiar and comfortable and safe to her. She was away from her Daddy, who is her compass. She was exhausted, hungry, and stressed. They were the first earrings she had ever had; she did not want to part from those earrings. I, in my typical fashion of processing out loud (when will I learn to be slow to speak?) just burst out my disapproval to her. I don't remember my exact words, but it was probably something along the lines of this: "Really!? You seriously don't know whether you want to give away your earrings? Did you notice that some of those girls don't even have shoes?" I won't go on (it's too painful to admit any more), but suffice it to say that I stood myself up on a platform of self-righteousness. And I'll confess that my pride was at work. She was bursting my bubble. I wanted her to respond perfectly (every time, of course). I wanted her to gush lovely, unselfish words about those little girls being so much more important than her earrings. (I was expecting her to be...better than I am.) Instead, she was being honest about her feelings. I'm sure she knew that she should've been happy to give those earrings away, but she just wasn't. By the end of the evening, I had told her to just give me the earrings; that I would give them away, and replace them for her when we got home. I was less than compassionate. (I would love to be able to make excuses for myself now, and say that I was also tired, hungry, stressed, and away from my safe places, but then again, I am not 13 by a long shot. I knew better.)

Morning came, and with it, of course....His mercies. R had (figuratively) unclasped her fist from around those earrings. She really didn't say anything to me other than to tell me that she would give them away. And she did. It wasn't until two weeks later, after we were home, that she told me that she had found joy in giving them away. That God had changed her heart. And He changed mine, too. Because that day was a bit of a turning point for both of us. When her dad (unaware of this whole ugly story) asked her to share with him one thing God had taught her through this trip, her response was, "I learned not to hold onto my stuff." That might sound small, but it's not. It's an area where her heart is vulnerable, and we knew it, and she knew it. And her Father, out of committed love for her, put her in a painful position in order to expose it to her more fully and start healing her...making her stronger. And as for me...I will be processing for a long while all of the things God showed me about myself on that trip. But what I will share now is just what He taught me about my daughter. That God is using her to make me better. That her raw honestly, in clinging on to those little pairs of earrings, showed me a reflection of my own heart as I so often cling to things that can never satisfy me, while I miss out on the joy of just laying them down and running to Him. But since I'm not 13, I have developed the finesse to hide my own selfishness much better than she can hide hers...sometimes I even fool myself. She is honest. She is full of sin and struggle and uncertainty about who she is and who God is. She is beautiful, and showing me that I am beautiful to my Father, even as I fall and get up and fall again. And since I am an imperfect mom, and so often fail even in helping her as she falls and struggles to get up again, I am so thankful that her Father is there for her.

So this is the verse that came to my heart this morning. Matthew 13:44: "The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field."

I'm so thankful that those earrings are in Ethiopia right now. And just maybe, they were a down payment on a treasure. Hidden in a field.

What can I give Him, poor as I am? If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb;. If I were a wiseman, I would do my part; Yet what I can I give Him; give my heart.

Christina Rosetti

What they don't know won't hurt them

2011-12-05T09:02:00.001-05:00

It is Monday morning.

The six of them are sitting around the breakfast table, eating rice pudding. The announcement of rice pudding for breakfast (instead of oatmeal) was greeted with cheers, and I'm thinking that they may perceive that I am in particularly good spirits to have cooked up this treat for them. What they don't know is that I'm not. They don't know that their breakfast banter is grating on me this morning. They don't know that yesterday was a really hard day for me, and that I woke up still in a bad mood this morning. I'm irritable. I. am. not. in. the. mood. I would rather have pulled the covers over my head than greeted them and fixed breakfast. And yes, I got up early, opened my Bible, read and prayed (but didn't ever feel like it...even by the end).

But...I know that I can keep fooling them for a little while longer. If I can just control my tongue...keep saying silly little things to them about St. Nicholas day coming tomorrow, and how if they leave their shoes in the hall tonight we'll put donuts in them.

Keep returning their hugs. Hugging back hard and never being the first one to let go...even though I have to take a deep breath and force it. Keep smiling. Keep the Christmas music playing loud, and stir up the dough for gingerbread men.

Because here's the wonderful truth behind this tiny deceit: If I can hold on, and put one foot in front of the other in obedience, even if I don't feel like it...I know that soon (very soon), the One who removes my sins as far as the east is from the west will likely make me forget that my heart isn't really in it. And then my heart really will be in it. I think I'm starting to feel it already...

He is so good.

(Postscript: I added this later, because shortly after writing this post, the Casting Crowns CD we were listening to played a song that just...fit. Here it is. Enjoy.)

Advent

2011-12-01T16:14:00.001-05:00

Last Sunday evening was the first Sunday of advent. We have some special traditions for advent that we've practiced over the last few years, and we really look forward to the beginning of this special season. We did have a couple of small changes to our routine this year. First, though we have used an advent wreath for many years, in the past we've generally made it from pine and holly branches. I admit, I've never really enjoyed making the advent wreath, and I've lived in fear every year that it would eventually catch on fire as it dries out through the weeks of advent! We've always planned on designing and making a wooden advent "wreath" ourselves, but never got around to it. Finally last year, during the "after-Christmas" sales, I purchased one. I had almost forgotten about it, and was happy to find the box in the attic when we pulled out the Christmas decorations. Every evening during advent, we light the candles and do our advent readings.

We've used lots of resources for advent reading over the years, usually using a "Jesus Tree" or "Jesse Tree." Last year I found one that has become our favorite (I didn't even look for something new this year). This devotional at A Holy Experience captured my heart. (I knew it was the right one when I cried every time I read it.) Below is our version of a Jesus Tree, with the first few "ornaments" already in place. There's a reading and an ornament for each night of advent.

The Christmas tree is Jim's department. In the past, he has never considered a tree to be truly worthy unless acquiring it involved traipsing through the woods with a handsaw. We've spent some long, cold afternoons hunting for just the right tree, finishing up with hot chocolate to warm up cold hands. But for the last two years we've traded all of that in as we've sought to keep the advent season a bit more simple. The last two trees came from....Lowe's. Here's the finished product this year: (Jim wants to add that this is squashing his pride). :)

This is my favorite part of the Christmas decorating; the nativity. We bought this one at a craft sale years ago, and it just fits us. We have a Playmobile nativity that we get out the day after Thanksgiving for the children to play with, but this one plays a central role in our Christmas day routine. Notice that the baby Jesus is absent...but he'll appear on Christmas morning. We'll move the nativity from the mantel to a small table in front of the Christmas tree. It's the first thing the children run to on Christmas morning, with candles all around, flickering in the darkness of the early morning. And we'll read the Christmas story from Luke. And sing O Come, All Ye Faithful. And we'll worship. It's the sweetest part of Christmas day. I've kind of always meant to have a collection of nativity scenes (like Noel Piper), but somehow this simple one has sufficed for many years.

Okay, here's one of our advent traditions that's not very....traditional. Beans and rice. Rice and beans. Every day between Thanksgiving and Christmas. We eat rice and beans, and we're saving the money we would have spent on more sumptuous meals...so that someone else won't be hungry. We generally keep a strict grocery budget, so it's easy to keep track of how much money we're saving. On Christmas morning we add it up, along with contributions the children make by earning money for extra chores during advent. Last year the money went to World Vision, this year it will likely go to Children's Hope Chest. One pound of black beans costs $.99. One pound of rice; $.85. So our family of 8 can spend less than $2.00 for dinner. Okay, I'll confess; we generally do put a jar of salsa on the table, which makes the beans and rice a bit more palatable for some of the children when the novelty wears off (after about a week). Still, even with the salsa thrown in, it's pretty effective. We all get a very concrete picture of our capacity to sacrifice, give, and impact others. We also have a much better perspective on how much we have...how truly blessed we are. Having beans and rice every night...a luxury to much of the world. And we know that Christmas is coming. Both literally and figuratively, we are waiting for a feast. We want to share it.

Oh, and one more thing...not exactly a tradition, but certainly a familiar occurrence at our house at Christmas time. Someone singing, "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth." When that second top front tooth came out last week (and when A and I were going out to get her the Chick Fil-A peppermint milkshake I promised her if she'd let me pull it out), I was thinking that I'd be sad someday when there aren't any more toothless smiles around here...at Christmas time or any time. But I'll enjoy it while it lasts. Gotta love that smile. :)

A few more of our favorite advent traditions:

Visiting Bethlehem (or as close as we're likely to come to the real thing!)
Reading lots of Christmas stories, and in particular John Piper's advent stories and poems. The Innkeeper is one of my favorites, and you can read it or listen to it here, or here (but have a tissue handy if you do).
"St. Nicking" our friends (on St. Nicholas Day each member of our family chooses a couple of families to surprise with a plate of cookies. The children take turns sneaking up to leave the cookies, ringing the doorbell, and running. This year we even bought a Santa hat).

So far this advent season, the best part has been...the mornings. I'd been struggling for awhile to get up early enough, and I'd really been feeling it. The effects of not having enough time alone with Him. But I've discovered a wonderful benefit of jet lag. When I got home from Ethiopia, my internal clock was such a mess that I was getting up crazy early (one morning I was up at 2am!). I've been able to keep it up so far (well, not 2am, but a reasonable 5:30 or 6), and the time...with the One we're celebrating during advent...has been so sweet. I'm already looking forward to getting up tomorrow...just to be with Him.

Wish I could hear all of your advent traditions...I love, love, love this time of year.

Trees of Glory

2011-11-27T06:25:00.001-05:00

Children's Hopechest currently has 20 carepoints in Ethiopia (they are praying and working toward increasing this number greatly over the next few years). We visited four carepoints last week, but spent most of our time at two of them; Trees of Glory and Kind Hearts. Each carepoint has its own distinct character, and the character at Trees of Glory seems to be a reflection of this precious lady:

Her name is Simret, and her sweet spirit and love of God permeate Trees of Glory. She lives here, caring for over 130 children. Most of the children walk to Trees of Glory from villages nearby, but 13 of them live here with her. She is not married, and doesn't have children "of her own." "I am lucky," she will tell you, "that God has given these children to me." She showed me where the children sleep; girls in one building, boys in another. This is the girls' home:

Simret was happy to show me the girls' rooms; small concrete floored rooms in a cinder block building, each room sparsely decorated with a cot and a small crate for a table, some draped with colorful cloths. Each room neat as a pin, and each one conveying cheerfulness. Then she showed me her own room...tiny and with no more elaborate possessions or decorations than those of the little girls. She showed me an equally tiny, spotless room with a small desk which is her office. But her face glowed when she showed me another room...this one empty except for a mat on the floor. This one, she explained, is where she prays. That one moment, as this amazing woman showed me that room with joy, defined this place for me.

We arrived and were welcomed by this sight; most of the children had gathered in a play area to sing and greet us:

Can you see the sweet girl in the center of this picture; holding a paper in her hands? This was our first sight of Meseret, the 14 year old girl we sponsor at Trees of Glory.

Of the roughly 130 children attending Trees of Glory, over 100 of them currently have sponsor families. Because of this, these children are receiving food, education, and Christian teaching/discipleship. Without this program, most of these children would be hungry, and they would not receive schooling (they are required to purchase uniforms and books in order to attend school, and most of the families do not have the resources to do so). But the heart (for me) of the sponsorship program is that these children are hearing the Word of God from the staff and teachers at Trees of Glory each day. They are hearing that He loves them and has a plan for their lives. They are receiving His love in tangible ways from the precious servants who work with them at Trees of Glory. They are seeing His heart in the hearts of Simret and others. At this particular carepoint, many of the children are from Muslim families. They are taking God's word with them into their homes. Jim and I visited some of the Children's Hopechest carepoints briefly when we were in Addis Ababa almost two years ago, and were excited about the work they were doing. But this opportunity to look deeper and see the impact on these children has kindled my passion even more.

On the second day of our visit to Trees of Glory, we delivered care packages to the children from their American sponsor families (the team had also put together care packages for those children who don't have a sponsor yet. Sponsored children received a picture and letter from their sponsor families, along with some small gifts sent to them from their family (toothbrushes, small toys, school supplies, etc.). Those without a sponsor received a t-shirt and a few small items as well. But every child received a blanket. Apryl, one of the members of our team, had coordinated this huge effort to bring around 400 blankets with us. We all carried some of the blankets with us in our luggage, but they were made by hands (large and small) all over the US. Many of the children at Trees of Glory sleep on dirt packed floors at night, and the temperature gets quite cool when the sun goes down, so it was moving to see all of the children clasping their blankets close as they walked home that evening. The blankets are the type made out of two pieces of fleece tied together along the edges with knots, and we did notice once particularly poignant occurance the next time we visited; some of the children had painstakingly untied every knot in their blankets in order to have an extra blanket to share with a sister or brother at home.

Meseret, the girl we sponsor at Trees of Glory, is a very reserved, poised young lady. She at first was unwilling for us to take a picture of her, even as throngs of little ones all around us were begging us for "photographs." But on the second day of our visit, when we delivered care packages to all of the children, R and I were able to sit down with Meseret and a translator, and to give her the package we had brought for her. R had especially wanted to sponsor a girl close to her own age, and had carefully chosen some of the items in our care package, including a pair of jeans, t-shirt, and a necklace. When we went back to Trees of Glory for the last time, almost a week later, Meseret was wearing the necklace, took some pictures with us, and hugged us good-bye. I really can't describe how special it was to be with her, and I'm praying it won't be the last time.

More soon...

It's That Time of Year Again...

2011-11-24T15:44:00.001-05:00

Crying at Kroger and other random thoughts...

2011-11-23T10:17:00.001-05:00

I've just come home from Kroger. (I know, I know...you're expecting a post about having just come home from Ethiopia...it will come.)

So this was a new experience. Standing in the parking lot of Kroger and just...weeping. I felt my stomach turning when I walked in, but I hadn't eaten, plus am having adverse effects from the antibiotic I'm taking for malaria, so I chalked it up to that at first. But it wasn't the antibiotic, or the empty stomach, it really was my gut response to the culture shock. So. Much. Food. So much stuff. So little gratitude, so little turning one's eyes to God in thankfulness, so little consideration of how much has been given to us and how much is expected of us. And a few minutes later I found myself back in my kitchen, again weeping. Trying to share my heart with the kids...to make them see. (You should have seen their faces; big eyes, alarmed, wondering what's wrong with Mom...poor kids!) James 1:27...religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this; to look after widows and orphans in their distress, and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. This is really the bottom line for me...it is just so stinkin' easy to be polluted by the world. But HE knows it. Our Father knows us, and in mercy He gives us the antidote to the poison the world feeds us. Look at the widows and orphans. Look at the ones who are hungry, poor, lonely, distressed. Look at them and do something about it. Love the things He loves, keep your eyes and heart and hands and feet there. When we do, we are in His presence. Because He is there too. We are intimate with Him...we are washing His feet, clothing Him, feeding Him. It is an experience that is indescribably sweet, satisfying, addicting...it leaves us wanting more. It fills us up and makes the "pollution" of the world detestable to us. So often, we look at God's exhortations to care for the needy as a burden. We are likely to act out of duty, or even guilt. We miss the truth...that He is giving us a privilege...He is inviting us into His presence...He is sharing His heart...He is calling us into a banquet. He isn't placing a heavy burden on our shoulders...He is taking one off. He wants to refine our appetites...wants us to taste and see His goodness. And oh, how good it is; how sweet.

In a few days, or a week or two, I will walk into that same Kroger, and I will not weep. I'll push my cart, glance at my shopping list, drop the items in without a thought. I'll talk on my cell phone while I shop, or chat with the kids about our weekend plans. This is where I live; and truly, I'm not serving anyone by crying at Kroger. But I can, and I will, keep fighting the pollution. I will remember how weak I am; how susceptible to the "charms" of the world, and I will keep asking Him to help me. I will keep asking Him, every morning (and afternoon, and night) to show me where to turn my eyes and put my feet. To fill me with the sweet satisfaction of His presence...I am hungry for it. I will keep asking Him for wisdom in how I can whet my children's appetites for what is good and true and right.

I do not have the wisdom to know what this is always supposed to look like. I don't know how we balance living here in suburban America with dying to ourselves. I don't think we necessarily have to sell everything we own...but we need to be willing to do so. I don't think we should be unable to enjoy all of the blessings available to us...but I never want to cease knowing and acknowledging that they are from His hand and they are His. And I do believe, for my family, that we should be weighing every choice we make...the way that we spend our time, our money, every resource we have...according to His priorities. Seeking His heart in all of it, and always, always, receiving back far more than we can ever give.

God is good. We are blessed.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. In everything give thanks.

One Hour

2011-11-11T05:24:00.001-05:00

Leaving in an hour. Only this thought for the morning:

Trust in the Lord, and do good;

dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.

Delight yourself in the Lord,

and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;

trust in Him, and He will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,

and your justice as the noonday.

The steps of a man are established by the Lord,

When he delights in his way, though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,

for the Lord upholds his hand.

Almost There...

2011-11-10T07:07:00.000-05:00

Our flight leaves in about 12 hours. We'll have to leave here at around 6:30 am for our 11 am flight. Bags are packed, R is in bed...I hope to be in my bed in a few minutes.

I'm not feeling particularly articulate about the whole thing. I find myself feeling awed by this opportunity...this gift. I honestly have an image of myself just taking His hand and heading off, not really knowing where He will take me. The blessing of having the opportunity to just love the ones He loves...it feels overwhelming to me right now. I can't even imagine what I will have to share on the other side of this trip.

Please pray for R. My specific prayer for her is that God will use all that she sees and experiences to draw her to Himself. She's a 13 year old girl with a tender heart, and it will be easy for her to grow in her compassion for those who are "less fortunate" than she. It's likely that she will experience pain, grief, even guilt, as her eyes are opened to the realities of poverty and need. But I don't want her heart to be turned to the poor and needy for their sakes alone. I am longing and praying that she will have her Father's heart. That she will be driven to trust Him, to turn to Him and long for Him in a way that is new to her. That she will be able to lay all of the pain and suffering she sees in His hands, right along with her own life. And that she will see the joy...oh, that she would experience the pure joy. The mysterious duality that she will be used by Him to serve His little ones, and at the same time have the unspeakable privilege of serving Him...washing His feet. For whatever you do unto the least of these by brothers, you have done it unto Me. She knows the words, but now...she might really know. Oh, that she might really experience deep intimacy with Him. Please pray with me for this. By the way, when she found out that Meseret (the 14 year old girl that we sponsor) likes blue jeans, and that they are hard to come by, she decided to pack extra clothes and leave them all in Ethiopia. She's planning to come home with just the clothes on her back. Oh, and the gifts she buys for her brothers, sisters and friends. She's been saving her babysitting money for months!

We will be landing in Addis Ababa at 7:45 Saturday morning, check into our Guest House, and head straight for Trees of Glory, one of the two Carepoints at which we'll spend most of our time. With the exception of Tuesday, we'll be at the Carepoints from morning 'til evening every day, working with the children.

We have four bags packed (plus our carry-ons), and three of them are completely filled with donations and supplies for the Carepoints. (The fourth is mostly our personal stuff, along with our gifts for our sponsored child, and gifts for an Ethiopian friend we'll be meeting on Monday). All four bags are very close to the 50 pound limit, so that's at least 150 pounds of donations. We have been absolutely amazed at God's provision for this trip; for these children. Thank you so much to all who have donated supplies, or given us money to purchase them. You are all going into Ethiopia with us!!

Back on November 21st!

Counting Down the Days...and Packing...

2011-10-31T23:10:00.000-04:00

Feeling so blessed. I went to a birthday party yesterday with Y, MJ, and A. The party was for the most precious little sweetie from our church who was turning 3 years old. Her parents asked the guests to skip the b-day presents, and instead asked everyone to bring...donations for our trip. It almost took my breath away when her mom told me about it. All of the children had a great time at the party, and we came home with a big box of donated school supplies; crayons, markers, glue, scissors, stickers...you name it. We also brought home the rest of the items which had been donated by folks from our church, combined it with donated items we already had at home, and today I set out to pack it up. It looked like so much, and the boxes were so heavy, I really was afraid we wouldn't be able to fit it all. Here's the picture of the donations before I packed them:

R and I can each bring two bags, weighing no more than 50 pounds each, plus one carry-on. We've already committed one of our four bags to blankets (the team is aiming to take a blanket for each of the 300 plus children we'll be serving; it's cold at night in Ethiopia, and many of the children don't have a blanket of their own). We also need to take supplies to do a Bible story and craft with about 400 children. Then we'll need to take our own personal things (we're trying to limit that as much as possible).

I was able to fit all of the donated school supplies into one bag, and it weighed almost exactly 50 pounds! Amazing. The blankets fill one bag. The craft supplies only filled about half of a bag, and only weighed about 20 pounds, so I'm excited that we actually have room for a lot more donations. We can fit at least 25 pounds of donations into the bag with the craft supplies, plus whatever space we have in the bag with our personal stuff (I haven't tried to pack that yet). If anyone wants to pick up any more school supplies to send along, we have 10 more days to go! Below are the three bags I've packed so far; the blue one has the craft supplies, and has lots more room to be filled. The children at the Carepoints DO NOT HAVE access to crayons, markers, glue sticks...etc., etc. They don't have money. There is no Walmart. I was really struck, as I looked at the wealth of donations I was packing, at how much I take for granted. I do feel privileged to be given the opportunity to deliver this wealth of gifts to the children at Kind Hearts and Trees of Glory. I don't want to have an extra square inch of space, or free ounce of weight, available in those bags when we leave. Our family will take one last trip to Walmart next weekend to fill any remaining space. I know that I will be coming home with my heart full...and my bags empty. Thanks to all who are helping with this.

Unadoptable is Unacceptable

2011-10-27T15:54:00.000-04:00

Thank you, Daddy.

2011-10-14T08:10:00.000-04:00

Jim gets up before anyone else is awake, as he leaves for work quite early. Usually when I get up later he's in the living room with his coffee and his bible, the house still quite and still. This morning when I came down, he was sitting in his usual spot, but there was loud music coming from the kitchen. The kitchen door was closed, and I assumed that E was up doing schoolwork in the kitchen (he gets an early start some days). But no one else was up. Jim said that he got up this morning feeling a bit discouraged. But as he came downstairs, he heard his favorite Third Day song blaring from the dark kitchen. He went in to find the music coming from my laptop. Which was closed. I was using it before going to bed last night, and hadn't shut it down. But there hadn't been any music playing. And I had closed it. Don't know about you, but my laptop doesn't generally start playing music on it's own...after it's been closed, and in the middle of the night. Jim opened it up and saw that the music was from a playlist on a site with which he wasn't familiar (it was a blog I read sometimes). He said that when he saw what was going on, he just decided to "go with it," and he worshiped. He just raised his hands and worshiped.

Do you think God works that way? I do. James 1:17 says, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

Do you suppose that the "Father of Heavenly Lights" can play music on a laptop? (Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us...).

Do you imagine that He knows your favorite song? (You perceive my thoughts from afar...You are familiar with all my ways...).

Do you believe that He wants to encourage you? (Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.)

I am so often inclined to miss His hand upon me. To evaluate all that happens through the lens of human reason. How much do we miss when we do that? When we simply fail to look up? To remember that every good and perfect gift is from above, and to just bask in His love and goodness? To say thank you?

When I was in college, just coming to know my Father, I knew a young man who was in love with Him. When this young man prayed, he called God "Daddy." It was foreign to me at the time, and even uncomfortable...relating to God that way. Imagining Him loving me that way. But now, with so many years to look back on, so many memories of experiencing His loving hand upon me...I get it. It's no stretch at all for me to imagine my husband turning on some music to encourage one of our sons or daughters. Knowing that they were needing encouragement, and knowing them well enough to offer it in a way that would bless them.

So thank you, Daddy. Thanks for the encouragement for Jim, and for me. And for all of the children, who heard their earthly daddy share this story with them this morning, with tears in his eyes.

Oh, and by the way, here's the link to the blog with the music: A Place Called Simplicity. It's a favorite of mine, and well worth reading, but seriously...the play list is fabulous. :)

On My Heart...

2011-10-13T14:45:00.001-04:00

Generally when I blog about adoption, I'm telling stories about our family's experiences. But adoption is on my mind and my heart a lot. Not just it's impact on our family, but God's heart for adoption, and how that should play out for us as Christians. When we were in the process of adopting Y and MJ, we connected with a sweet family who were adopting their two girls from the same "care center" (orphanage) where Y and MJ were living at the time. We were very concerned about Y, and working hard to get help for him due to his extreme malnutrition. This sweet mom was in Ethiopia while we were waiting to go get Y and MJ, and she took the time to check on our children, love on them, and give us some peace of mind while we waited. She has since adopted again, and has become an advocate for orphans (through Children's Hope Chest). She wrote a post today on her blog, Steadfast Minds, about her heart for adoption. She also included a video I love; the video for the Third Day song Children of God. Thanks, Jessica.

Giving Thanks

2011-10-10T16:42:00.000-04:00

Love this.

It's October...

2011-10-07T23:06:00.000-04:00

October is upon us. Do you know what this means?

Pumpkins. We love them. Eating them, that is...pies, cakes, pancakes, soup, cookies, roasted pumpkin seeds, etc., etc., etc. My favorite is pumpkin pie for breakfast (Pumpkin pie is FULL of vegetables and milk. I even steamed the pumpkin myself, rather than just opening a can. I think pumpkin pie fits into the category of "super food" right along with chia seeds. Breakfast of champions. Just sayin'.) Oh, and NG ate FIVE bowls of pumpkin soup at dinner tonight. Onions and all.

R's birthday. THIRTEEN! Coming up in just two days. Could it be...I'm a mom of a "teenager"? I'm finding out just how sweet being mom to a "teen-aged" girl can be. What a precious gift God gives us in having the privilege to not only watch our children grow, but to see His grace growing in them.

Jim's birthday is in October, too. I won't announce his age, but I love celebrating him.

Fall camping! Next weekend! (Oh, how I hope it doesn't rain. Or dip below 40 degrees at night.)

Apples! (See pics below). God is so good. Okay, you might think I'm a bit overboard here with all of this reveling in the fall stuff, but God is just so good...how can you miss seeing His goodness in apples and pumpkins, and the fall leaves, and in celebrating birthdays, and...well, I digress from the apples. Delight in it! Delight yourself in Him! DELIGHT!

I can't believe that we're only a few weeks away from going to Ethiopia. So much to do, so much to process, so much prayer. Pray with me, please. God is blessing my socks off with His perfect provision and preparation for this trip. If you're interested in seeing the whole team, plus reading a bit more about the trip, check out this post on the blog Family From Afar. Karen is the coordinator of this trip, and a huge advocate for the children we'll be serving.

I know I'm horrible about writing here. I love to write, I love to share what God is doing. Just working on finding the time. More soon!

Our Adoption Video

2011-09-13T23:05:00.000-04:00

I've been wanting and intending to make this video for the last 18 months. I guess it was just not the right time until now. I know that my heart, and our family, are not the same. My perspective, and my view of all that God has done and is doing, are different than they were 18 months ago. So here's the story...for now. :)

Sometimes you just have to show up

2011-09-11T22:40:00.001-04:00

As I mentioned yesterday, Rebekah and I are going to Ethiopia in November. We're going with a group from Children's Hope Chest, an organization Jim and I hooked up with when we were in Ethiopia to bring Y and MJ home. We were compelled by the work they were doing to help not only orphans, but families. Families with children who might otherwise been placed in orphanages had they not received much needed help and support.
I'll be explaining more about Children's Hope Chest, and about our trip, over the next weeks, but meanwhile we were given a wonderful opportunity yesterday to share our passion and to raise money to help the children we'll be visiting in November. Our church family has been a tremendous blessing to us over the last year since we joined, and the women's ministry agreed to host a fundraising breakfast for us. Actually, to say that they agreed is an understatement. Months ago I e-mailed the two ladies who lead the women's ministry to ask if they might be willing to help, and they enthusiastically RAN with it. I was overwhelmed. We decided to have a One Purse breakfast, asking each lady who attended to bring a "gently used" purse. We would eat breakfast, R and I would share our presentation for Children's Hope Chest, and then everyone could "shop" for a new purse. The suggested donation to "purchase" a purse was $10. We expected between 30 and 40 women to attend, so I was hopeful that we might raise $300 or so. Oh ye of little faith (okay, oh ME of little faith). Through those ladies, God provided $903 for the children at Trees of Glory and Kind Hearts, the Children's Hope Chest Carepoints we'll be visiting. I could hardly believe it. I had to count it three times.

Here's the kicker. I had been preparing for that presentation for weeks. Yet I felt completely unprepared. I like to talk. I talk too much. I'm a verbal processer, and I sometimes need to hear myself talk just to complete a thought (I'm not kidding...ask my husband). I can certainly be eloquent at times, but there are plenty of times when I cannot put two sensible words together. I'm much the same when I write. Sometimes my heart just flows out through my words, and I can feel it. But often when I try to write I just can't get it to flow, and I'm sure I couldn't write a convincing ad for a yard sale. The night before the breakfast, after weeks of preparing, I was trying to write a final outline for my talk. I couldn't get it out. I tried to share with Jim what I planned to share the next morning, and it was awful. A-W-F-U-L. I was a bit panicked. This was really important to me, and I had felt that God was leading me to do this, but I didn't know if I could.

I'm sure someone out there knows just where I'm going with this. I was right. I couldn't do it. I think that God was just clearing the path. I got up the next morning (well, I didn't actually sleep, but I'll explain that in a minute), drove to the church with R and NG, went in, and started setting up. I had no idea what was going to happen, or exactly how I could pull it off. But I do know that HE wanted me to know that nothing that happened that morning would be because of me. He wanted me to know that my words were not needed. That if there was anything that any of those ladies needed to hear about adoption, or orphans, or families in Ethiopia, or about Himself, it would come from Him, not me. And it did. I'm thankful, so thankful, that I didn't walk into that church confidant that I had it all together. Calmly assured that I had a great, convicting speech planned. I had nothing to offer, and I knew it. But the girls and I had prayed all the way there that if God had anything to say, He would say it. That any agenda set forth would be His, not mine. Truly, He chooses the weak to show Himself strong. He just wanted me to stand up and open my mouth. More of You, Lord, and less of me. I'm crying a bit now as I write this, because as dear as those children and families we'll be serving in Ethiopia are to me, they are infinitely more precious to Him. And He is teaching me more and more that I am precious to Him, too.

I have to add that the two weeks prior to the breakfast were horrible. Every day some new catastrophe seemed to happen. The dog had a tumor, which required surgery. MJ broke her collarbone. My back went out. A had a fever of almost 105 degrees for three days. The bathroom flooded, I ran a red light (at an intersection with a red-light camera) rushing home between a myriad of doctor's appointments, and we found out that R needs a root canal. There was more, but really...need I go on? Jim was convinced that we were under attack because I was preparing for this presentation at church, but I wasn't so convinced. I was thinking small. The night before the breakfast (remember, the night I was flustered because I couldn't even explain to Jim what I would say the next morning), I was up literally all night coughing. Perfectly healthy all day the day before, no cough at all. I swigged cough syrup through the night, got up and went to church with no sleep. (Okay, I admit it...I stopped at Starbucks for a Pumpkin Spice Latte in a moment of exhausted weakness). I never coughed once during my talk, or felt sick at all. By the time I got home, I had no voice, and was in bed and miserably sick for the rest of the day. Here's the thing...I do believe that God preserved my voice and health so that I could go to that breakfast. So that I could have the chance to see Him show up and show ME that He is all I need and more. He could've just kept me from getting sick at all. He could've kept me from coughing all night so I'd have been rested. He could have kept me from getting sick and losing my voice afterward. But I don't wish He would've done it that way. I would've missed the chance to see Him prove Himself to me (again). He doesn't have to...He does it because He knows I'm weak, that my faith is often so small. And He loves me anyway.

Anyway, if you prayed for the breakfast, thanks. And if you were there, well...thanks is a small word. I was blessed.

Tomorrow I'll try to post the video we made for the breakfast. :)

Pray for us tomorrow...

2011-09-09T21:44:00.000-04:00

Oops...I meant to post about this earlier in the week. The big news is, R and I are going to Ethiopia in November. We're going with a group from Children's Hope Chest, and I'll explain more about that later. Meanwhile, we are so blessed that our church is standing alongside of us in our desire to help families in Ethiopia, a passion we've had since we got home with Mihret and Yosi 18 months ago. Tomorrow morning our church women's ministry is hosting a breakfast to raise funds for the Children's Hope Chest carepoints we'll be visiting in November. Please pray that God will use us to speak up for these children, and that we'll be able to help provide for some of their many needs. R and I are really excited. We made a video about our adoption, something I've been wanting to do for a long time, and we'll be able to share it at the breakfast. I'll post it here after that. It's really to late to post this asking for prayer for tomorrow morning, but whenever you read this, please pray anyway!

Moving forward, Looking back

2011-09-04T22:16:00.000-04:00

Is anyone out there? (I think I heard an echo...) A friend asked me ...a few weeks ago...why I hadn't posted cute pics of the kids having summer fun, so here they finally are. I know I haven't posted since Easter, but at least I'm getting to the summer pics before fall officially arrives! We do have some big events coming up this fall that I want to share about, but first I'll wrap up the summer. We had a full summer, so here's the first batch, with another post to come. (Enjoy, Grandma!)

First, a camping trip (the first of the summer)

For E, it wouldn't be summer if we didn't catch any reptiles or amphibians!

Some of E's friends taught him how to make sushi this summer, and he taught his dad. We're all fans!

Cow Appreciation Day! (Free food from Chick-Fil-A for anyone dressed like a cow)

This is how we spent most of our summer (at least 3 hours/day, five days/week): at the pool. All six children were on the swim team.

The second camping trip of the summer:

I'll finish up the summer on the next post!

Looking back, Part 2

2011-09-04T22:13:00.000-04:00

Soooo, camping, swimming, dressing like cows, what more could we ask for? Here's the rest of our summer:

A trip to the beach (courtesy of Grandma and Grandpa):

What happened to my Sweet Pea? Seems like R grew up this summer.

First sight of the ocean!

Now you've been with us right up until the first week of school. We had a great summer; so much joy.

Unfortunately, the first week of school started with this:

MJ broke her clavicle (wrestling with her brother), and we ended up in the ER. We don't often see her with a frown...

but it really didn't take long...

for her to cheer up. (6 weeks in the sling, though!)

...and poor Samson had surgery the same day (and yes, he's wearing the cone of shame. sigh.)

So now you're up to date. Stay tuned to see what we're up to next...

The Week After Easter

2011-04-29T08:06:00.005-04:00

"We never did the Empty Tomb Rolls!" R said this morning, as we finished our breakfast. Empty Tomb Rolls, along with a few other traditions that we enjoy during Lent, didn't happen this year. Every year we start out the season of Lent (and Advent too), with a frenzy of plans, activities and expectations, but some of them always fall by the wayside as the days go by and the busyness of "real life" co-exists with our attempts to make the days holy. But I'm learning...that all of the days are holy. It's not just knowing that all of the days are holy...it's beginning to learn to live them as if they are. To experience the holiness of everyday. I love the week after Easter. Or Christmas. Or any holiday. I look forward to those ordinary days perhaps more than I look forward to the days which are slated as "special" on our calendar. The excitement, the frenzy of activity, the growing expectation, and then the joyful glow of the long anticipated holidays...those are lovely. But there is also, for me, often a sense of unreality. God doesn't use our calendar. I do love to honor Him, and to offer up those special days to His glory, but my heart truly longs to learn to stay with Him in a deeper more consistent way...every day. The quiet let-down of those "after holiday days" is often, for me, a time of deeper connection with God. I've let go of the expectations of making the days special, and I'm knowing that it's only Him...without the rituals or traditions...just Him.

There's another thing too. It's all of those special traditions and rituals that we never got around to during Lent. We started out the Lenten season by drawing a slip of paper out of a bag every day...each slip with a special lesson or activity to prepare us for Easter. Let's just say that there are still a few (quite a few) slips of paper left in the bag. And we started reading a chapter each night from a book called Amon's Adventures, which we should have finished on Easter Sunday. But God provided us with some different opportunites on the last few evenings before Easter...and we still have four chapters left to read. And of course, there's always those Empty Tomb Rolls. We prayed together a lot. We learned some new worship songs which we can keep singing. We dyed some beautiful eggs (I think my ears are still hurting from blowing out 35 eggs; you can see a few of them in the picture at the top of this post!). Best of all, during those 40 days of Lent we worshipped and talked and read and worshipped some more about the good news of Easter, and I think MJ has really begun a journey of learning and understanding something about grace. But we're not finished! Easter (the Easter that's a day on the calendar) is over, but for us it isn't ever over. So we're finishing up Amon's Adventures this week. And today we're making Empty Tomb Rolls. And we watched some "Easter Movies" this week even though Easter is over (at MJ's request). She just keeps wanting to hear the story over and over again. The days are holy. The days are holy.

Yum! (This was supposed to be a short post about our dinner, but turned into a long walk down memory lane.)

2011-04-19T21:38:00.003-04:00

Believe it or not, until tonight I have never tried my hand at cooking Ethiopian food. There are a number of reasons for this. First, when we got home from Ethiopia we were rather overwhelmed with life in general, and new recipes were not at the top of my "to do" list. Also, Y and MJ had no trouble adjusting to our American diet; they ate everything we put in front of them, and lots of it, so I didn't feel the need to prepare foods that were more familiar to them. Finally, we were less than enthusiastic about our experience with Ethiopian food while we were there (except for our breakfasts, which were cooked at the guest house where we stayed and offered fluffy french toast every single morning). Almost everything we ate in Ethiopia looked, smelled, and tasted pretty much the same. Actually, we came home feeling as though not just the food but everything in Ethiopian smelled the same to us. It was the smell of berbere, an Ethiopian spice that seemed to us to permeate everything in Addis Ababa. Even the money smelled like berbere (you can still smell it on the bills we brought home for the children). On our first day in Ethiopia the smell seemed exotic and intriguing. By the time we were departing for home it seemed cloying and clinging and not very appetizing anymore.

Fast forward about a year to our visit to an Ethiopian restaurant (about a month ago). We all loved it. All eight of us scraped the plates and downed every crumb of injera (Ethiopian flat bread, which is served with every meal). As I look back, all but two of the meals we ate in Ethiopia were what I now somewhat affectionately refer to as "street food". We were not allowed to go out of our guest house with Y and MJ, so most of our meals were ordered from the same mysterious vendor who, upon receiving a phone call from our guest house, would rush there on foot with a menu and take our order. The menu included several Ethiopian dishes, along with spaghetti and ravioli. We would place our order, and the man would disappear, then reappear shortly with our dinner, which always included large portions of injera. We quickly discovered that "spaghetti" and "ravioli" were code names for pasta covered in some sort of berbere flavored paste. We could also order pizza, which tasted remarkably similar to the spaghetti and ravioli, except the berbere paste came on a pizza crust, and was accompanied by little packets of some spice which we found to be painfully hot. Jim bravely attempted to order an Ethiopian dish from the vendor one night. It was called Beef Firfir. He still doesn't like to talk about it. This all sounds as if we have a very negative opinion of Ethiopian food, but I'm just saying that in retrospect we've realized that most of what we ate there wasn't very good Ethiopian food. We did have two wonderful meals while in Ethiopia, both at authentic Ethiopian restaurants, but unfortunately it was the "street food" which left a strong impression. (Y and MJ didn't mind it a bit, I must say; more than once MJ put away a man-sized portion of "Ethiopian ravioli.") Oh, and Jim wants me to point out that we never had a bad cup of coffee while in Ethiopia (though I learned the hard way that you do have to specify that you want sugar when you order a mocha latte from Kaldi's, the Ethiopian version of Starbucks).

When we brought Y and MJ home, we also brought a large bag of...berbere. It has remained in our pantry for 13 months, tightly sealed in a freezer bag so as not to permeate all of our food with the smell. So finally this week I decided to try cooking with it. I found a recipe for "Ethiopian Sloppy Joes", an adaptation of a dish called Dinish Wat. And when I opened the bag of berbere, I really did flash right back to the first day in Ethiopia, when that smell was exotic and intriguing. (And I longed, as I have many, many times over the past 13 months, to be there and experience beautiful Ethiopia all over again. But that's another story.) I started preparing dinner, and while it was cooking I had to make a run to the grocery store and left R tending the pot. When I came home and opened the front door, the whole house smelled of berbere, and I froze in the doorway because I was overwhelmed with the pleasure of it. It's amazing how smells can spark memories and emotions. And how time can allow lovely memories to overcome the difficult ones. I was so excited to put that food in front of MJ, knowing how much she would relish it, and I wasn't disappointed. It's been awhile since she's eaten a man-sized portion of anything, but she did it tonight. Actually, everyone loved it. I'm even claiming medicinal qualities for this dish, because Jim has a bad cold and the berbere cleared his sinuses right up.

The next time I go to Ethiopia (can you hear a prayer in there?), I'm going to relish the Ethiopian food. Even if it's "berbere ravioli." I'm going to appreciate it...value it...enjoy it.

Meanwhile, here's a shot of our "Americanized" Dinish Wat:

And here's a link to recipe:

Ethiopian Sloppy Joes

But if you want it to be really good, you're going to need some of this:

And I'm not sure if I'm willing to share mine. I checked, though, and you can order yourself some on Amazon. Enjoy.
:)

Happy Birthday, Sweet Boy

2011-04-08T15:40:00.004-04:00

It's raining today, and I'm sitting in the kitchen with the rain sound soothing me, and little Y just laid down for a nap upstairs. We've been singing "happy birthday" to him all day, and I know he doesn't really know what a birthday is, but he knows it makes him happy. He keeps asking if he can "open" his birthday. I know he means he wants to open a present, but I don't correct him, because I understand and I too want to "open" the day; unwrapping the layers of it with the anticipation of joy.  He's never celebrated a birthday before, and I have never looked into those brown eyes and celebrated with him, remembering the long string of days and years leading up to that special day the way I have with the older children.  The ones who grew inside of me, with all of the days of their lives laid out behind us in a familiar path.

Last year I had only known him for a few short weeks when his birthday came, and we passed the day with little fanfare because we knew he wouldn't understand, and we didn't want to further confuse him or his sister when there was already so much adjusting to be done. And I...would have struggled to celebrate the way I can today. Because I was struggling to "find" him. I was looking into little eyes which often looked back at me with cool detachment. I was holding and hugging and carrying a little body which melted just as easily into the arms of any stranger. But now ...now I have days and weeks and months...adding up to more than a year...of knowing him. Knowing him. He has become familiar to me. His eyes look at me with delight and trusting expectancy.  His arms reach for me. His little voice calls for Mama, and I know it's not just a word...no longer just a label that he uses to have a need met.

I carried him upstairs to his nap just now, singing to him as we went. And I sang as I laid him on his bed, and his eyes were on mine the whole time, and they were twinkling with the pleasure of it. The pleasure of "happy birthday" sung again and again, and the pleasure of the moments alone with Mama, and of snuggling into the bed and me stroking his soft blanket against his face because I know he likes that. And I knew that he wanted the fan on, and I knew that I would turn and walk away and make it almost to the door before he would call me one more time. And I heard the words he always says..."Hug, Mama." I go back and hug him one more time, with him smiling and his eyes sparkling because he knew I would come back and hug him again. And I looked down at him and realized, tingling, that it had happened.  I had wondered for so long if it would ever come, and now I saw that it had come upon me...like a soft blanket placed on a sleeping child, because I had never been aware of the moment it came, but only relaxed in the warmth of it. The warmth of feeling that he is mine in a way that is sure and safe and abiding. That the invisible, steely bond that existed from birth between me and his older brother and sisters, now holds him to me as well. I looked down at him and had a strange soft shock of remembering that he did not grow inside of me...but knowing that he is just as much part of me as if he had.

And now I sit and ponder all of this (I'm thinking about Mary, and how she "treasured it in her heart"), because I am seeing once again how we prayed that God would bring us children from Ethiopia; children who needed love and healing, and that He would let us love them, and help us to help them heal and grow. And then how He brought them here, but that He has just as surely been healing and growing me. Because all through this last year God has been showing me that I was living like an orphan. That I didn't really know how to love Him. That I sometimes look at Him with that same cool detachment with which little Y once viewed me. That I too often look for my sustenance and support from arms other than His. I am learning to know and trust the invisible, steely bond that has always been there to connect me safely to my Father. I have placed my trust in Him again and again as I walked the hard path of the last few years, and He has never failed. I am learning to know that "Father" is more than just a label for a distant being who holds authority over my life. He loves me. I am safe in his arms. He sings over me...delights in me. He will always be there when I call to Him. Can I ever, ever teach Little Y (or MJ) anything that compares with what I have learned through having them in my life? I can't...but I will be a vessel through which their Father will teach them. I can trust Him for that too.

The rain is not darkening the brightness of this milestone for me, or for my littlest son. I have had some moments of grieving and praying today for Meselech (the children's Ethiopian mother), but this date on a calendar is not something that she is aware of.  This day is for Little Y and for us, and it's a gift. We're going to keep opening it all day long.

(By the way, I've dropped the children's "blog pseudonyms" and I'm just using their initials. If you know us in real life, you'll know who I'm talking about without having to remember the nicknames...and I won't have to keep up with the nicknames either! If you don't know us in real life, their initials are under their pics on the sidebar.)

A Prayer

2011-04-06T11:41:00.000-04:00

The following prayer is from John Wesley, and I happened upon it just now through a series of somewhat unlikely twists and turns. These words are just what my heart needed to hear today, and so of course my Father provided them to me. Because He gives me everything I need. Every day, all the time. Why do I doubt? Why do I sit harboring my secret fears and wondering if I will have the strength to walk through some trial that has yet to come? He is unfailingly patient with me. He continues to gently speak the truth when I am all but covering my ears with my hands. Honestly, my heart (which just moments ago was aching) is filled with joy because once again He just whispered that He loves me, by offering just what I needed to sustain me. I am going to copy this in my journal, and read it often today. I thought these words might speak to someone else's heart as well as mine.

The Covenant Prayer

I am no longer my own, but Yours.
Put me to what You will, rank me with whom You will;
Put me to doing, put me to suffering;
Let me be employed for You or laid aside for You,
Exalted for You or brought low for You;
Let me be full, let me be empty;
Let me have all things, let me have nothing;
I freely and heartily yield all things to Your pleasure and disposal.
You are mine and I am Yours.
So be it.
And the covenant which I have made on earth, let it be ratified in heaven.
Amen.

(and Amen again.)

God Knows My Name (especially for Grandma and Aunt Beth)

2011-03-25T16:30:00.002-04:00

Okay, I'm just going to say unabashedly that I love this little video. It's from a "talent show" at our church about a week ago. I'll be the first to admit that no real talent is involved, but I do think it is a beautiful reflection of the kids' hearts. They just truly took joy in this; you can see it in all of their faces.

It's kind of long (about 6 minutes, I think), so unless you're Grandma or Aunt Beth you might not stick it out until the end, but I do think it's fun to watch. Oh, and check out the girls' hair. Every one of them has cornrows and box braids; that was my talent. :)

Dangerous Half-Truths

2011-03-12T09:01:00.000-05:00

I believe that Satan hates adoption. The very act of it is a reflection (however poor sometimes) of God's love. And so the enemy would love to thwart this knitting together of families. One of the ways he does this, I have become convinced, is by telling half truths. He is a master at this (remember Eve in the garden?), and he knows that he is more likely to sway us this way. We are on our guard against direct lies, particularly when they are directed toward truths the our Father has instilled in us. So he is more subtle.

One of the hardest things about adoption, for me, is the way that it brings all of my insecurities to the surface. Despite the myriad ways that God has affirmed this journey, assured us of His perfect design for our family, and proved His loving and sovereign hand over it, I doubt. I doubt myself, but I know that in doing so I am really doubting Him. In doubting my own abilities, I'm doubting that God can/will enable, equip, and bless, and redeem me as He says He will.

There are times when I just don't think I'm a good mom. And of course, sometimes I'm right to feel that way. Although there are plenty of times of grace and joy and love in our home, there are also times when I fail, and repent, and fail yet again. And it's in those times that the enemy slides behind me, and the words he whispers, the half-truths, swirl behind eyes closed in frustration. "They could have had a better mom." The pain of it grips my heart, and hot tears move behind my closed eyelids every time. Someone else could love this precious girl more; make her feel more secure. This sweet little boy would have bonded more quickly to a different, better mother. He's talking to me about Gracie and Little Man. He's playing on those insecurities that are often so near the surface. I've had plenty of times, over all of the years I've been blessed by motherhood, when I've questioned myself as a mom, but this is new. The older children never had any other options; their very existence depended on me as their mother, from the instant of their being. But Gracie and Little Man? Well...it could have been someone else. Some other family could have made that call, filled out the paperwork, traveled across the ocean to bring them home. Seven thousand children were adopted from Ethiopia last year, and it's easy to wonder whether these two little ones didn't miss out on some better opportunity. There. I've said it. And that's when I have to turn away from that half-truth and grope for the Truth. Why is it a half-truth? Well, the fact is, there are better moms than me. I'm not going to lay out all of my specific areas of sin and failure as a mom, but we can all be fairly sure that no matter what it is we're doing, there's probably someone out there who could do it better. But here's why it's only a half-truth. Because God has promised me that He is in charge. ("The Lord has established his throne in the heavens, and His kingdom rules over all" Psalm 103:19). It doesn't matter if there are better moms out there, because I'm the one He picked for them. They are the ones He chose for me. He knit them together in their mother's womb, yes. And all of their days were written for them before a single one of them came to pass. Even the day when their father died in Ethiopia. The day when the were left in an orphanage. All of the days when they were hungry and sick, scared or lonely. And...the day when I picked up the phone and made the call that connected them to me, their mother, across an ocean.

All six of my children are right where God meant for them to be. All six of them will benefit from every ounce of grace and love that God pours into them through me, and they will all survive my sin and weakness, and God will use it all to grow them and shape them and love them. It is all His grace. For them. And for me. And that is the Truth. The whole truth. I am sure that I will hear those whispered half-truths again, and I will spend long moments in doubt and fear. But I am hopeful that each time I will be quicker to turn to the Truth, and that all six of these precious ones entrusted to me will learn that lesson along with me.

The Lord is good to all, and His mercies are over all His works.

All Thy works shall give thanks to Thee, O Lord, and Thy godly ones shall bless Thee.

Psalm 145:9-10

A Pictorial Year in Review

2011-03-11T15:45:00.000-05:00

Here's a little visual feast of the last 12 months. More words to come later, but according to proverbial wisdom, these pictures should be worth thousands of words. :)

March 2, 2010 Addis Ababa, Ethiopia

We met Gracie and Little Man for the first time.

Home at last and together as a family: March 6, 2010

April 2010; brothers and sisters at last.

May 2010; we did our first "post-placement" report to send back to Ethiopia. The reports were required at 3 months, 6 months, and 1 year. These were some of the pictures we took.

Little Man also got his first haircut in May.

In June the children enjoyed the view from a mountain-top where we went to pick peaches.

In July we went to Busch Gardens. None of the children had ever been there, and it was a wonderful day for everyone. Definitely a new tradition (if we can find some coupons again this year!)

Camping in July.

Fun at the playground in August (Boo loves having a little brother).

In September we celebrated Gracie's 5th birthday (her first with us).

October is our annual camping trip with some special friends.

We had a crowd for Thanksgiving in November (and lots to be thankful for).

Gracie experienced her first snowfall in December.

One of our favorite traditions: caroling at the hospital on Christmas day with friends.

January; making fruit loop necklaces as part of our math lesson one day.

In February we had a special treat; three girls from the Watoto Children's Choir (from Uganda) came to stay with us after their concert. We were tremendously blessed by them.

March!! Sometimes I feel as though the year has flown by, but other times it feels as it couldn't have been only a year ago that we were without Gracie and Little Man. We celebrated our one year anniversary by eating at an Ethiopian restaurant.

Gracie and Little Man enjoyed the Ethiopian quisine GREATLY. My goal for the next year is to learn how to make injera.

You can see how the children have all grown "in stature" over the past year. But we have grown in so many other ways as well. (We still have miles to go, though!)

Still working on updating the blog and shifting gears. I did change the pictures of the kids on the sidebar; Sweet Pea's picture was 2 years old!

Coming Out of the Fog

2011-03-04T07:09:00.001-05:00

I knew that I hadn't been keeping up with this blog, but I was honestly surprised when I looked and realized that I hadn't posted since early December. There are several posts still in the "draft" stage which I started but was never able to finish. Honestly, it was only partly because of how busy we've been. God has been working out so many things in me and in our family, and I have often found it difficult to put it all into words. As I look back on the past year, I truly do feel as though I've spent much of it in a fog. It's been hard to know which way to go sometimes, and hard to see exactly where we're headed. It's really only been in the last few weeks that I've noticed that the fog has lifted, and the view is looking much sharper and clearer. At this time last year, we were still in Ethiopia. Sunday will be the one year anniversary of our arrival home, and of having our whole family together for the first time. I am so very excited to celebrate that day, and excited to see what God will bring about in the next year.

I've thought a lot about what to do with this blog. I had planned for awhile to just close it, but instead I've decided to give it a facelift and a new focus. It may be a few weeks before I'm able to do that, but meanwhile I'll share an update soon about how far we've come in that last year. And about our big celebration day on Sunday!

Advent Reflections

2010-12-03T14:28:00.000-05:00

This might not be what you were expecting under the title "Advent Reflection," but, well...it's what I was reflecting on today. And really, it's right in line with what our family has been reflecting on this Advent Season. It may seem weighty, even oppressive, but truly we are finding great joy in trying to fix our hearts on what His heart is fixed on.

Please help us with this...VOTE for us TODAY!!

2010-11-04T11:40:00.003-04:00

Our family has entered a video in a contest with Dave Ramsey called The Great Giving Challenge. If we are one of the three winners, we will get $5000 to GIVE AWAY to families who are raising funds for their adoptions!!

The contest has been going on for a couple of weeks already, and we just got our video submitted today (we found out about the contest after it started, and then had some technical difficulties) so we need to get a LOT of votes FAST because the voting ends on Sunday! The ten videos with the highest number of votes will go to the judges, who will choose three as the winners. You can vote once a day, and there is even an option to get an e-mail reminding you to vote each day! Also, if you have a blog or a Facebook account, please post this for us. The top ten videos on Dave Ramsey's website already have between 500 and 1600 votes, and we're just now getting started!!

PLEASE go to the following link and vote for us. We are so excited about the chance to help at least FIVE children come home to their families.

Here's the link: Adoption Changes Lives Forever

Vote every day!!

One Year Ago Today

2010-11-02T09:03:00.001-04:00

On November 2, 2009, Jim was in Washington DC receiving an award. He rarely travels for his job, so that was unusual. Meanwhile, I had made a casual inquiry into a listing on Rainbow Kids, a waiting list for orphaned children. I hadn't planned to make that inquiry. There were so many reasons why it wasn't practical. We were already working with a different agency (and would potentially lose a lot of money if we switched). We were really planning to adopt one little boy and then adopt another little boy in a year or so, and this listing was for siblings; a little boy and a little girl. We never imagined a girl! So when I saw the listing, I ignored it. Then a friend (a mom who had already adopted from Ethiopia) e-mailed me the same listing. She had seen it too, and wanted to know if I had noticed it. I e-mailed the agency which was representing those two children (thinking to myself, "I'm just curious. We couldn't really pursue this, but it can't hurt to ask...").

So mid-morning on Monday I received an e-mail back from the agency. It seems that somehow, even though the listing had been up since Friday, and I had waited and dragged my feet about responding to it, I was the first person to inquire about those two children. The caseworker said that she could send me the file, but that I would need to let her know right away if I was interested. I waited by the computer (I can picture it now with complete clarity; the computer was on the dining room table, which was stacked with various piles of things I needed to get done that day), and then it came. The e-mail was titled, "Beyene Siblings information", and it contained medical reports, social reports...and pictures.

I am not a particularly spontaneous person. I like to plan. I like to know what's coming. I was undone at the thought of making a decision of this magnitude based on some sparse medical and social information, and three pictures. And without my husband. I was calling him frantically on his cell phone, and though he was hearing what I was saying, every time he tried to respond I could only hear static. Finally, I did hear this; "Send me the pictures." I e-mailed them to his phone. I waited. I called again, spoke with him, and again could not make out his response. Then he sent me an e-mail. I still have it. It said this:

Let's go for it. God is big! I have to turn phone off but I will call latr.

So there it was. I called the caseworker, and she said that I needed to fill out an application and send a check. At that point, I was just feeling stunned. And scared. I sent Jim another e-mail, telling him some more details about our next steps, and telling him that I was scared. He immediately sent me another e-mail:

God is good. Those are our kids.

He was right. On both counts. Those are our kids. I'm crying now even as I type those words. And God is so good; I cannot even begin to describe His goodness in bringing us to that day a year ago, and in every day since. I cannot even begin to describe His goodness in the ways that He protected the children and prepared them to be part of our family, or the ways that He affirmed us through every step of the long months that followed as we tried to get them home.

I wasn't allowed to post those pictures last year on November 2, but I can post them now. Here they are:

And here they are now:

God sets the lonely in families. Psalm 68:6

Celebrating these "anniversaries" in our adoption is more than just reminiscing about special days. These are milemarkers that point me to God's goodness, sovereignty, mercy, and grace. To me, celebrating them is an act of worship. Today our prayers are full of thanksgiving and adoration.

Sing to the Lord a new song;

Sing to the Lord, all the earth.

Sing to the Lord, bless his name;

Proclaim good tidings of His salvation from day to day.

Tell of His glory among the nations,

His wonderful deeds among all the peoples.

For great is the Lord and greatly to be praised.

Psalm 96:1-4

Amazing.

2010-10-31T16:36:00.000-04:00

I came across this today:

What does it look like to lay down your life? To live out the gospel? I guess it looks different for each of us, but I think a common thread might be that it might look foolish. Even crazy. And it isn't likely to be easy or comfortable. But...oh, the joy. I only know this because the weak, faulty efforts I've made to live out the gospel are always hard and uncomfortable, and probably look crazy. But soaked with joy. Just dripping with it. Leaving me thirsty for more.

Happy Birthday

2010-10-28T22:00:00.000-04:00

Today my wonderful husband is 40 years old. In general, he doesn't like his birthday. Honestly, he just doesn't think he's worthy of all of the attention and gifts. We know better. The kids made this video for him and surprised him with it this evening. It took me forever to figure out how to post it here, and I think the quality isn't very good, but here it is: (oh, and in case you need an interpreter, Little Man thinks Daddy is CUTE!)

Happy Birthday Daddy! from Susan Kyner on Vimeo.

Happy Birthday to my husband and best friend. I thank God for you every day. (And I think you're pretty cute too.)

Hope is Fading

2010-10-27T06:29:00.000-04:00

Hope is Fading – Orphan Sunday from Allan Rosenow on Vimeo.

Orphan Sunday

2010-10-25T21:19:00.003-04:00

November 7 will be the second annual recognition of "Orphan Sunday." (OrphanSunday.org) It's meant to draw attention, among Christians and in the Church, to the bibilical mandate to care for orphans. Jim and I will be attending the Mid-Atlantic Orphan Summit on Nov. 5th and 6th. Please pray for us that God will use that time to deepen and clarify our passion for Him, and our vision for our family. As I prepare my heart for the conference over the next several days, I'm going to post some videos made for Orphan Sunday. We are called to defend the fatherless. To visit orphans in their distress. I'm beyond thankful that God gave us the opportunity to adopt. But I also want to say that we could not have done that without many others who followed God's heart for orphans and prayed and supported us (and continue to do so) on this journey. What does caring for orphans look like for you?

Creation Groans from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

I love my hair!

2010-10-21T09:39:00.003-04:00

Hair is a big issue at our house. I have four girls with four very different types of hair, from tightly coiled black hair to silky smooth blonde, and they are all beautiful. I've had many conversations with the girls about how much God loves variety, and that He (and I) love all of the beautiful colors and textures of their hair. I'm not surprised that Boo, my silky haired girl, wishes she had hair like Gracie. It's because Gracie gets to wear beads and bows galore in her hair, and sports lots of fun styles that Boo's hair just can't manage. But I always feel sad when Gracie says she wants hair like mine, or like Boo's. I'm learning that in our culture, even in African American culture, silky hair is often seen as more desirable. I really hope that when Gracie gets older, she won't want to chemically relax her hair as many girls and women with hair like hers do. I'm sure that there are roots to this attitude (no pun intended...really!) that I may never completely understand, and that really for now Gracie is only wanting to be like her mom, or her sisters. But meanwhile all I want it for Gracie (along with all of my children) to appreciate that she is "fearfully and wonderfully made" and to know that God has a perfect plan for her that includeds her wonderful African heritage and her beautiful curls. Sooooo, when I came across this little video the other day, I was thrilled. Gracie loves it! Check it out:

On a very different note, Orphan Sunday is coming up on November 7th. Watch for a few posts about that coming up very soon.
:)

A birthday, a good cry, and a sovereign God

2010-09-15T11:51:00.000-04:00

Today is Gracie's birthday. This day has been greatly anticipated at our house for weeks. Not only by Gracie (who announced in frustration one day last week, "Mama, my birthday is NOT coming!"), but also by all of her brothers and sisters. So finally it is here. And I spent the early morning hours crying at the kitchen table. That's probably not a big surprise to those who know me well. I'm a cryer. But these tears honestly took me by surprise. I did cry when Boo turned five last year: I cried because she was my baby, and five just feels like the end of "babyhood" to me. Five is such a...well...a big girl. But I was looking forward to Gracie's birthday with no hint of any such feelings. Then last night before bed, Boo started asking me to tell her what she was like when she was one. And what she liked to do when she was two. (She was in the mood for some bonding time with me, and she knows just what buttons she can usually push to get it!) I answered her questions, but I did it quietly, and with some discomfort, because I was so aware of Gracie in her bed on the other side of the room. I had just given her the "last hug as a four year old." And as I reminisced with Boo I was all too aware that I could never answer those same questions for Gracie, although she has already asked some of them.

So this morning I sat down at the kitchen table, making a list for an early morning run to Kroger to take care of Gracie's special requests for her birthday meals. I wasn't thinking about anything deeper than whether I should buy a cake mix or make it from scratch, when a wave of images and grief washed over me. This is the day when we are celebrating her birthday. The images that were hitting me hard and fast were of a precious baby born in a hut in rural southern Ethiopia. A dirt floor. A sweet cry. The grandmother (who I know was present at her birth) holding up the baby in satisfaction. Damp, warm brown skin. Curling tendrils of black hair. The tired mother smiling. The father clapping his hands together. Even as I write it the tears are coming again. I want to be there. I want to hold that sweet baby, and drink in the smells and sounds...breath the warm African air of her true birthday. And I want to see her take her first steps across that dusty ground, and hear her first laugh (I love that laugh so much) and her first throaty words. But no matter how vivid my imaginings are, those memories will never be mine. They belong to Meselech, Gracie's first mother. The realization that hits me, though, is that no matter how deep my longings are, I would never truly wish for anything different. I have to often remind myself that God's plan for Gracie is perfect, and better than the easier, less painful way I would have planned for her. Those first four years in Ethiopia have formed this child and made her who she is now. And it cries out to me of her Maker. Did anyone ever wonder why I call her "Gracie" here? She is truly a picture of God's grace to me. God has carried her through poverty and hunger and loss and grief, and He has protected her and drenched her with His grace. She is a joyful, cheerful, funny bundle of little girl. Having experienced losses and hardships I can hardly imagine, she is not bitter or angry of afraid. She spent 6 months in an orphanage which, by many reports, was rife with abuses, and seems to have been surrounded by angels there. She accepted the new family God gave her with hardly a glance backward...with a joyful abandon that has continued to stun and amaze me. I have so much to learn from her. Oh God, if I could face trials without being afraid, or without ever holding onto bitterness. If I could let go of what You take, and latch on to what You give, and be truly thankful and joyful throughout it all.

So I am sitting here now and relishing the knowledge of the amazing grace that God has lavished on my daughter and on me. Our family is memorizing Psalm 139 right now (we're only up to verse 4 so far!), and really I chose it for Gracie and Little Man. I know she doesn't understand a lot of those words, but she is parroting them back right along with her older sisters and brother. And I'm praying that some day these words will be as meaningful to her as they are to me when I consider God's path for her life:

For you formed my inward parts;

You wove me in my mother's womb.

I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Wonderful are Your works,

And my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from You,

When I was made in secret,

And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;

Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;

And in Your book were all written

The days that were ordained for me

When as yet there was not one of them.

Happy birthday Gracie.

Six Months Ago Today....

2010-09-02T09:52:00.000-04:00

I never posted any of these pictures six months ago; this felt so intensely personal and private, and I really did not have words to describe it. I'm still not sure I have words, and these pictures still evoke intense emotion in me, but I am wanting to share them this morning. And some day (maybe on the one year anniversary) perhaps I'll even be able to put words to this story. For now, here is a beautiful story in pictures; or really just the beginning of a beautiful story.

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are the sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!"

Romans 8:14-15

Making the Days Count

2010-08-03T16:25:00.000-04:00

This is a quiz for you. No....it's me preaching to myself in disguise as a quiz for you.

How often do your children entertain themselves (not interacting with you) because you are using the computer?
Do you ever find yourself feeling frustrated at the end of the day because of things left undone, yet you found time to be on-line?
Are there ever days when you spend more time on the computer/on-line than you do communicating with your spouse?
Are there days when you spend more time on the computer/on-line than you do with God (in the Word, praying, etc.)? Or maybe you didn't find time to spend with your Best Friend at all, but found some time on-line?
When you are using your computer, what is your demeanor when your children (or possibly even your spouse) interrupt you? Do you feel irritated or impatient?
When you are on-line for something "necessary" or "important", do you frequently find yourself staying on-line longer than necessary because you got "sucked in" to something, or started doing something that truly is just entertainment?
Is it really helpful to read a lot of blogs, or does it just cause you to compare yourself to others and to be left feeling inadequate (or prideful!)?
Are the things you do on-line edifying? Are they generally helping you to be more holy? To be a better wife/mother? (Certainly some can be edifying, but many are not, and sometimes we can convince ourselves that something is when really it isn't).

Now, if necessary, try taking out the word "computer" or "on-line" and substitute "talking on the phone", "exercising", or maybe "watching TV" or even "reading" (or anything else that you notice occupying a lot of your time). And, if you are a young person living with your parents, try also taking out the words "children" or "spouse" and substitute "parents" or "siblings".

Enough said. I am going on an internet fast for the next two weeks (at least). I will check my e-mail once a day (around 6:30 am), but am otherwise staying off of the internet and will use my computer only for homeschool related things as absolutely necessary (our history curriculum is digital!)

Teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom.

Psalm 91:12

Korah

2010-07-30T08:47:00.000-04:00

God has been opening our eyes. And filling our hearts. I'm not going to make much comment on what I'll share with you in this post, as it really speaks for itself. I know that these are hard things, but I know that sometimes it's tempting to think it would be easier not to know. But there is so much more joy in standing right where He wants us to stand, even if it's not pretty or easy or clean. In fact, I find that I really just want to turn my eyes away from much in my life that seems pretty and easy and clean, because it distracts me from the infinitely more glorious things that He has for me.

The following link is to a post written by an adoptive mom who traveled to Ethiopia to work with "the least of these". She was doing mission work with Ordinary Heroes, and spent some time in a place called Korah, which is in Addis, the capital of Ethiopia (where Jim and I went to bring Gracie and Little Man home). Korah is basically a dump, and is home to an estimated 130,000 people. I know it's a long post, but I'm hoping someone will take the time to read it. And to pray about what God might want your eyes opened to.
Here's the link: http://talkissheep.blogspot.com/2010/07/korah-day-i-have-given-up-on-numbering.html

And here's a video of Korah and of the hope that God can bring out of despair...through people who open their eyes.

Proverbs 24:12

Once our eyes are opened, we can not pretend that we don't know what to do. God who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know and hold us responsible to ACT.

Reality Check

2010-07-28T17:07:00.000-04:00

Well, this should be an interesting post. If any of you find blogs somewhat annoying because it seems they show a skewed picture of people's lives (leaving out the messy, unflattering parts), maybe you'll like this. I wrote the first part on Saturday. Didn't finish it because we got the kids up and I just didn't get back to it all weekend. It was Tiger's birthday Sunday (maybe I'll post more about that later) and the weekend was really busy. At any rate, I am just now getting back to this, but I knew before I even opened my laptop that I couldn't really finish the post as I had started it. Here's what I wrote on Saturday morning:

I got up this morning at 6:30. I know, I know...it's an hour late. But it is Saturday. I'm working on it. Anyway, I got up with something on my heart. It felt like a rock. I came downstairs and saw Jim reading in the living room. I got my coffee and sat down. I tried to keep it to myself, taking sips of coffee and picking up something to read. But then I just blurted it out. "I miss Africa. I wish we were in Africa. I wish we could just get on a plane." I was close to tears...my longing was that great.

My wonderful husband did not skip a beat. He looked at me and told me that what I'm longing for isn't Africa. It's God. It's deeper intimacy and knowledge and closeness with Him. He's right. We talked for a long time about Africa and about what God is doing in our hearts and in our family. Really, Jim feels the same way I do about Africa, and he dreams of being there too. Somehow, God had a plan to rescue Gracie and Little Man by bringing them out of Africa, but somehow He had a plan to rescue Jim and I by taking us into Africa...and beyond. We are changed. We talked about things that have changed in our family since we got home from Africa. Our appetites have changed. We don't watch TV anymore.  We hadn't had cable in a long time, but we unplugged the little black box that allowed us to receive a few channels. We changed what we eat. The children all decided one day that we should eat oatmeal for breakfast every day and peanut butter sandwiches for lunch every day in order to save some money to help people who truly have nothing to eat. (We've kept this up for about a month now.)

I was seeing fruit from the change in our routine. Getting up early was giving me more time with God, sweet fellowship with my husband, and allowing us to start the day together as a family and in the Word. I was excited and longing for more. Fast forward a few days. The lack of sleep is still catching up to me (thought I would've caught up to IT by now).   I have struggled with insomnia for years, and often my best sleep is between 4 and 7 in the morning, so getting up at 5:30 has wreaked havoc with my normal sleep habits. I'm still trying to go to bed earlier, but it still hasn't kicked in. This week I have just felt defeated. I've been irritable with the kids, and even with Jim. I fussed at him yesterday for coming home from work and reading the newspaper when I wanted him to be helping me. And I despised myself because I wanted to be the kind of wife who had everything all under control, and who could maintain a peaceful home and a smiling countenance so that my husband could feel free to relax with the newspaper a bit when he gets home from work. So, I got up this morning (5:45; close but not quite my goal) feeling deeply discouraged. This time, I sat next to Jim and again tried to keep my feelings to myself. Again I was near tears. Sipped my coffee. Sighed rather loudly so that Jim would ask me what was wrong (which he did). So I told him. "I can't stand myself. I just can't get it right.  All I am trying to do is to be pleasing to God; to be the kind of wife and mother that He wants me to be. And I can't even get up early and be a good mom." (I whined some more and cried a little, but that's the gist of it.)  Again, he came back with wise words. He pointed out that I was focused on what "I" could do rather than what God could do. That there's no way "I" can do any of it right without Him. He reminded me of all that God is doing in our family, and that Satan hates it. That we should expect to be under attack, and not expect an easy road.

He's right, of course.  And right after he said all of that he went upstairs (it was 7am) and played "Reveille" on Tiger's trumpet, as that's how he's been rousing the kids to get up in the morning for family worship.  The kids stumbled down, we heard the Word, we sang. We actually danced around the kitchen singing with Keith Green. (Okay, we're freaks).  It feels better. But I know that it's not going to feel better later in the day when the coffee wears off and the day starts to wear on me. At that point, I'll go back and read this:

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38-39

I'm going to read those words, and then I'm going to substitute some of my own (thanks to Beth Moore for that idea): I am convinced that neither lack of sleep, or my own failings and weaknesses and junk, or the busyness of my day, or the messiness of my house (etc., etc., etc.) can ever separate me from the love of God in Christ. Amen.

And I'm going to keep praying for sweet sleep, and I'm going to try to keep obeying even if it doesn't feel good. But I'm going to remember that I can't do it. But He can.

Oh, and I also will add this one more detail purely for your entertainment. At the end of our conversation this morning, after exhorting me to trust God, etc., Jim also said one more thing (in answer to my feelings of discouragement and defeat): "Stop it. Stop it or I'll bury you alive in a box." And that dubious statement was a sort of inside joke in our marriage, referring to this hilarious video we saw a few years ago. Here it is:

There you go. A little up, and little down, and a little funny. That's the way my life is going. Not so bad, really. :)

The 5:30 Club

2010-07-23T07:43:00.001-04:00

I've set a new goal for myself this week; actually Jim and I both have. We made a new schedule for our family, and it includes waking up all of the children just before 7am so that we can start our day with Jim leading family devotions before he leaves for work. Our normal "family worship time" is in the evening, but we really wanted to start our day off with at least a short time of being in the Word and in prayer together. In order to do this, though (and have time for everything else that needs to happen in my morning), I need to be up at...(gulp) 5:30am. I'm sure some of you just don't think this is a big deal, but it is quite a challenge for me. It's been 5 days now, and it's catching up to me. By 3:00 in the afternoon I am dragging. But I'm convinced that God wants this, so I'm going to push through. My plan is to try to get up pretty early even on Saturday and Sunday so that my body keeps adjusting to this new ~~insult~~ accomplishment. We'll see how it goes.

At any rate, the 90 minutes I have between my wake up time and waking up the children allows me to have a more extended time with the Lord, as well as some conversation with Jim. And finally, if there's time, I can be on the computer. I have to say that so far this weeks the results of this new plan have been mixed. Though I'm excited to be up and in the Word, the family devotion time is precious, and it feels good to be ready to start the day by 7:30, I have also been feeling a little down and grumpy as the result of not getting enough sleep (the fact that I'm getting up at 5:30 doesn't seem to be kicking in to my nightime brain, and I can't seem to fall asleep early enough). I was needing a little encouragement, and this morning I found the following post, which I hope might enourage you as well:

http://hishandshisfeettoday.blogspot.com/2010/07/on-mothering-making-disciples.html

It's really nothing new, but just what I needed to hear this morning. So I'm starting my day off eager and motivated. But...it's only 7:30. We'll see how it goes!

If any of you are up at 5:30, please let me know. I'd love to think I have some company (and honestly I could use the accountability! NOT that I want anyone checking on me at that hour of the day. But you could always ask me later...)

:)

A Summer Update

2010-07-19T10:16:00.001-04:00

Is anyone still out there? I know I've done an awful job keeping up with this blog. I went back and counted; only 5 posts since we got back from Ethiopia over four months ago! I'm planning on stepping things up a bit. Honestly, it's for my accountability that I want to keep up with this blog. I want to share all that God does in our family, but also I want to be faithful in what I am doing, and if I'm sharing it publically that just gives me a little more motivation! We'll see how this goes; I started a new "schedule" this morning which I hope will allow me a little more time, including some time to write on this blog. But here's the kicker...I have to get up at 5:30 am (which is quite a challenge for me). My time with God comes first, then time with Jim, then (if there's still time) some time on the computer. So here I am on day one (glad for coffee).

I'm not going to try to write much about what we've been doing this summer, but I'll post some pictures. Little Man and Gracie are growing so much, and sometimes I can't believe how far we've come. Here's a little review of our summer so far:

This technically happened before summer, but a precious friend visited from NC to meet Little Man and Gracie. We love you, sweet friend!

This was the first day of summer, so of course the Popsicle Tree bloomed. It always blooms on the first day of summer, and it always seems to happen right after the children go to bed.

Of course, you have to eat the Popsicles right away, in your pajamas. Do you have a Popsicle Tree? If not, they're very easy to cultivate. (But very difficult to explain to a four year old with limited English. Though to some extent, Popsicles seem to be a universal language.)

Picking peaches. This is definitely one experience where a picture is worth a thousand words.

A day at Busch Gardens. None of the children had ever been there, so this was a very fun "first" for everyone.

I'm learning a new skill this summer:

Jim took some vacation time, and we were able to go camping.

Isn't this a funny picture? I think he messed up her sand castle. He's saying, "Who, Me?"

Yet another first; the first S'more! (I think it was a hit.)

This was my favorite "catch"; an enormous bullfrog!

Unfortunately, our camping trip was cut short by 6 hours of torrential rain. Still, all in all I think the trip was a success. Even the rain didn't dampen everyone's spirits.

Hard to believe it's not even August yet! Who knows what adventures may be waiting for us before the end of summer. By the way, does anyone have any fun ideas about what might bloom on a "First Day of Fall" tree? Pumpkin pie, maybe?

By the way, I really did start this post at 6:15 this morning. But I just had to come and finish it up at 10:00. I'm glad I have a few weeks before school starts to hammer out this new schedule. But I'm also glad it's July and that it's a slow, rainy Monday morning. :)

You did a bad job...and I love you.

2010-06-23T22:26:00.000-04:00

I am longing for Gracie to have a sense of security in our family. She seems happy. She is generally just a ball of bubbly, giggly enthusiasm. She wants to try everything and is sure she can do it "by myself." She is cuddly and affectionate, and just can't get enough kisses and hugs. But I still just have a sense that she does not have a sense of permanency here. She has a strong drive to perform well. She constantly asks if she's doing a good job, whether she's eating her dinner, coloring a picture, making her bed, or doing a silly dance. If any of her siblings have displeased us, she needs to know if they have done a "bad job," and then needs to hear that she, indeed, is doing a "good job." For several weeks the language she used was "good girl/bad girl" and "good boy/bad boy." She wanted everyone labeled this way, and frequently wanted to know that she was a "good girl." We were finally able to discourage this labelling (she would even label inanimate objects as good or bad: a book was a "bad boy" if it fell on my foot!), but we still haven't diminished the approval seeking. Honestly, there's very little she ever says or does that would be categorized as a "bad job" even if we wanted to do so, but sometimes I wish there was. I wonder if she feels safe enough to scream or rage or tantrum. If I'd been through all that she has in the last two years, I think I would throw a tantrum or two. I love her so much. And we just keep telling her we love her. And she just keeps working and working to earn the love that she already has. (Sound familiar?) This might sound crazy, but lately I've taken to finding opportunities to let her know that she's not doing a very good job. For instance, she's a horribly messy eater. She's very aware of it, and makes sure I notice that she cleans up after herself if she makes a mess. So I take the opportunity to tell her that she's not doing a very good job eating neatly. I say it with a smile and a wink. Sometimes she smiles back and asks if she's eating like a little piggy, and I laugh and say yes. I tell her that she's not doing a very good job eating neatly, and that I love her. I point out all of the crumbs on the table, chair, floor (and sometime on the dog who has taken to sitting under her seat), and I tell her she's really messy. And that I love her. I almost wish sometimes that she would completely let loose and scream and cry and bite and hit and kick. So that I could gather her up in my arms and tell her that I love her, and that I will always love her, and that it doesn't matter what she ever does, she is going to be my little girl forever. Then maybe she would know and trust in her heart that it's true. That she doesn't need to earn her place in this family, and that she will never lose it.

Isn't that what we all need to hear? And isn't it what God wants us to hear? I hesitate to draw this parallel, because I am so far from a perfect mother. Let's just be honest; I'm going to fail her. I'm going to get annoyed and impatient and...well...I'm going to sin against her (I already have). But she and I both have a Father who will love us perfectly. We don't have to earn it. In fact, there's absolutely no way we ever could. She and I are going to do a "bad job" on some level every single day, and He's going to just love us. I want her to know that love. I'm longing for her to know it from me; to feel safe in my arms. But ultimately I want her to know it from Him. So I'll keep letting her know...very gently...that sometimes she does a bad job. But I love her. And I'll keep trying to soak up that same lesson for myself while I'm at it.

What a Difference a Year Makes

2010-06-17T21:50:00.000-04:00

Today we went to pick berries. It's a family tradition that we haven't missed in years. Usually we pick blueberries. We all love blueberries, and we try to pick enough to freeze some, but inevitably we end up eating most of them before they make it to the freezer. Last year (actually tomorrow it will be exactly one year ago), we went to the same berry patch we visited today. It was a beautiful Thursday afternoon (just like today), but the mood was quite different. On "berry day" last year, we had just received a letter from the Department of Homeland Security informing us that they would not yet approve our application for adoption. I think I remember crying (Jim's pretty sure I did, but he says I cried a lot that during that stage of our adoption!) I wrote a post about that day here, in which I described the berry picking as cheap therapy, and I really needed it.

Today was a different kind of day. Unfortunately we pretty much missed blueberry season, but the raspberries were abundant. And, of course, we're no longer waiting on anyone's immigration approval, or frazzled from filling out paperwork. But even better, I can now look back on the past year and remember story after story of God's abundant faithfulness along the way. I can look back and see that on the worst days, when I cried and felt overwhelmed and uncertain, God was not only paving the road home for Gracie and Little Man, He was also refining me and showing me His heart.

So today we picked berries. Lots and lots of raspberries. Jim doesn't even like raspberries, and they're highly perishable, so I guess I'll be freezing most of them for smoothies. (If anyone reading this has any great raspberry recipes, please pass them along!) But it was a beautiful day. I wasn't needing any therapy, but I was soaking in the joy of watching my family giggle and sweat in the late afternoon sunshine. Hearing Little Man give raspberries the name "yummies" as he begged Sweet Pea for more. Seeing Sunshine and Boo schooling Gracie on the finer points of berry picking. None of us really cared about the raspberries, but none of us wanted to leave, so we kept picking.

Here's a picture of our berry picking day last year:

And here's the picture from today:

I sought the Lord and He answered me;

He delivered me from all my fears.

Taste and see that the Lord is good;

blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.

Psalm 34: 4, 8

Sisters and Best Friends

2010-06-16T21:34:00.000-04:00

Last week we got some information from Ethiopia which confirmed what we had already suspected: Gracie is not 3 as we were told, but is actually 4 (turning 5 in September). Which means that she is less than a year younger than Boo, who will be 6 in December. Fortunately, for now at least, Boo is still able to take the lead often since there is so much Gracie can learn from her. The two of them enjoy each other tremendously, but there is definitely a sense of competition between them at times. Boo wants to play the big sister role that she was expecting, but Gracie sometimes doesn't want to be "big-sistered"! Fortunately, Little Man is more than happy to be babied, so Boo can always turn to him when Gracie wants to exert her independence.

Overall, Gracie and Boo are a great match. Undoubtedly so, because God chose these two to be sisters before we ever imagined it. They are upstairs now, tucked in together in Boo's bed. I guess Kindergarten should be pretty interesting at our house next year!

New Pics

2010-05-16T20:41:00.000-04:00

Check out the sidebar; I finally added our two new additions to the "Pure Joy Kids." I also gave them blog pseudonyms like the other children have. I guess if I really wanted to be cautious, I would go back and change all of the earlier references to their real names, but I don't think I will. I intentionally used their real names in the beginning because I wanted you all to pray for them by name (and please keep doing that, by the way!) I do need to update some of the older four children's pictures; Boo's is new, but the others are from last summer!

Here are a couple of pics from the last few days. Hopefully I'll have more soon; I've realized I haven't done a very good job of keeping my camera handy in the last couple of months!

Am I PREGNANT?!

2010-04-19T22:50:00.002-04:00

I was asked that question three times last weekend. (Got your attention, didn't I?!) The first time, I was in a doctor's office on Friday morning. The doctor was considering prescribing an antibiotic for a presumed infection, so he asked me the obligatory question about possible pregnancy. The appointment was a last minute thing, so all six children were with me. Yoseph was on my lap, crying and smelling suspicious. Mihret, Boo, and Sunshine were all either pulling toys out of the toybox on the floor, or zooming around the very small room with said toys (sorry if it appalls anyone that I let them play with those toys; it's a survival technique), and Sweet Pea and Tiger were trying to read despite the noisy atmosphere. I'm not confident that this particular Doctor is very understanding of some of our family's choices, so when he asked the question, I just looked around the room, looked back at him for a long moment, and murmured, "no."

The second time, I was in the emergency room later that same night. Nope, it wasn't an infection after all. It was a kidney stone. Ever had one? Let me tell you how it feels. Well...hmmmm....it was like... Okay I don't have a vocabulary of awful enough words to describe the pain. Jim had to put all six kids in our enormous bus of a van and haul us all to the ER. A couple of hours later I was wheeled into a room for a CT scan, and again, the question. (Again, obligatory since I was about to subject my body to harmful rays). This time I just moaned, "noooooooooooo." (I would've said anything to get that scan done and get some more drugs.)

It was the third time that got to me. Sometime Saturday morning (in somewhat of a drug-induced stupor, as I was still dealing with the kidney stone), I had a quiet moment with Tiger. The night before (watching me writhing in pain, driving frantically to the ER where I threw up repeatedly in the waiting room, and then going home to bed while I stayed at the hospital) had been a bit traumatic for the children. I asked Tiger if he had been scared. I was surprised when he said no. (I was scared!) But I was more surprised at what he said next. "I was hoping you were having a baby." (Okay, he didn't exactly ask me if I were pregnant, but it's close enough). This time I was stunned. I was caught off guard. I was feeling quite vulnerable. And as a result I was able to really feel what I hadn't felt the first two times I heard the question. I felt a little sad. I think he knew that I couldn't really be having a baby. But on some level I think he let himself hope. Maybe just because it was a better option than whatever else he might have imagined might be wrong with me. But at least partly because he loves babies. He loves having a "big family." I love that kid. Sunshine came in and admitted that she had hoped the same thing (they both might need to learn a bit about gestation; I'm not being vain, but I do NOT look pregnant!) Sweet, sweet children. I've thought a lot about those comments over the last couple of days. And I know that (as far as I can discern) there are no more pregnancies in my future. I've worked through that a lot, just between me and my Father. But what I really, really realized as I thought about Tiger's comment was that children are a blessing from the Lord. Oh, you've heard that before? I know, I have too. I've read it, I've said it, I've thought I believed it. But let me just tell you that the last six weeks have been HARD. There's a good reason why I haven't posted on this blog since the day we got home! I'll go into all of that another time, but for now let me just say that children are a blessing. All of them. All the time. Because God said so. I am blessed beyond belief by these six, and I was so glad to know, when my heart responded to Tiger's comment, that I really believe what God said. Oh, how I am blessed. Although I truly don't wish I were pregnant, I savored the bittersweet feeling of sadness for a moment because I was glad I could recognize the gift it would be if I were. I am so glad that we stepped out and walked where God led us. And how I hope we never miss an opportunity to do so. Yes, it's been hard, but I would do it again in a heartbeat. And it thrills me to know that Tiger sees the blessing too, and yearns for more. More of God. And yes, even more children. (I wonder how many grandchildren I might have one day?) YES, Lord. Right now Yosie is sound asleep; cuddled up with Tiger in his bottom bunk. And Mihret is in her bed with Sunshine's favorite stuffed animal tucked in beside her. We are not the same family. And yes, it's still hard. It's easy to write sweet platitudes while the house is quiet and everyone but me is sleeping. But...we're not the same family. And I'm thankful.

(One more thing; I cannot tell the whole "kidney stone" story publicly without thanking my precious friend who sat in the ER with me for hours so that Jim could take the kids home to bed. God has blessed me immensely through you again and again. Thank you seems inadequate, but...well, you know!)

I think that was a bit "rambly", but hey...I haven't written anything in 6 weeks! I'll leave you with a picture we took on Easter Sunday. In Ethiopia, one wears traditional clothing on Holy days. Nothing makes a white kid look whiter than standing next to an Ethiopian and wearing African clothing, huh? But seriously, aren't they all so beautiful?

Blessings!

Thank you

2010-03-07T16:16:00.001-05:00

I don't have the time or the energy to write a real post right now, but we are home! I just want to thank everyone for your love and your prayers. They carried us across the Atlantic, through the week, and back home again. I hope I am able to share more soon, but meanwhile...here we are all at home together at last.

Homeward Bound!

2010-03-05T10:01:00.000-05:00

It's Martha again. Susan emailed this morning.

At this moment, it's nearly 6 p.m. in Addis Ababa where Jim, Susan, Mihret and Yoseph are at the airport awaiting their 10:30 p.m. flight. They arrive home early tomorrow morning. Let's all pray them home.

I can't begin to imagine what the next 48 hours will be like for Mihret and Yoseph - traveling by plane for hours and hours, met by the enthusiastic smiles of their 4 new very blonde siblings, coming "home" where home still has snow on the ground. Oh Lord, would you help them grow to rest in your perfect ways.

Mihret and Yoseph, for you:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

An Update from Addis Ababa!!

2010-03-03T16:48:00.001-05:00

Hi! This is Susan's friend, Martha. Susan got a message to me this morning asking me to update her blog. What a privilege! (Especially since I'm sure there are many - like me - who have been by here multiple times everyday holding their breath for some news from Susan and Jim.)

I'll share what I know.

Yesterday (Tuesday) was "Gotcha Day" - the day Jim and Susan not only met Mihret and Yoseph for the first time but also took custody of them. Emails from Susan yesterday before meeting the children, revealed an overflowing heart of faith and hope, an awe of God's goodness and a stomach full of butterflies! ;-)

Much later in the day - after they had put Yoseph and Mihret to bed - I heard from her again. She was struggling to express her emotions in written words. It's completely understandable as I can't imagine how you put into writing those emotions you experience when you see/meet your children for the first time. I hope one day she'll try to do so for all of us here. She said that both children were struggling some with the adjustment and that Mihret finally fell asleep as Susan whispered prayers to their Heavenly Father in her ear.

Today was their Embassy visit which I'm happy to report they cleared. It was a long and tiring day for all 4 of them as it sounds like there wasn't much sleep for anyone last night. It's night there now and I'm praying that they are all resting peacefully.

This morning was the first time since arriving in Ethiopia that Susan and Jim were able to talk with their 4 children here in the states. Apparently, they have tried before but the folks on the state side couldn't hear them. They have been relying heavily on email and text to communicate with their 4 sweet children waiting at home for them and Susan's sister, the "wonder aunt", who is managing 6 children, 2 dogs, and 1 guinea pig, and a RAT single-handedly this week.

They are also experiencing a power outage today - the first since their arrival. I'm told power outages there are quite common. I don't know if we'll get any additional updates from them until the power is back on.

Edited 3/5 as I miscalculated exactly how many children and critters "wonder aunt" was managing this week!

THEY'RE OF!

2010-02-26T17:16:00.000-05:00

At about 11:00 this morning, my Mom and Dad left for Ethiopia! It,s hard to believe that just about 5 or 6 months ago, we didn,t even know about our children, but it is not hard to believe that God has brought us through this whole adoption process. It is going to be a beautiful moment when I see them for the first time. Anyway, my Mom and Dad are on they're way to Ethiopia, but they're flight was cancelled, so they are only about a third of the way there. I would like you to pray, if you aren't already, for my Mom and Dad while they fly to Ethiopia.

I'll keep you posted, Sweet Pea.

Sweet Pea's first blog post

2010-02-24T16:45:00.001-05:00

Hi! Sweet Pea here. Today my Mom taught me how to put posts on the blog so that I could post while she is in Ethiopia. What you are reading right now is actually my first blog post ever. So, anyway, I hope I'll be writing down what's happening - in Ethiopia! (If my mom and dad are able to call and tell me what's going on!) You'll know just about everything thats going on on the other side of the world. Things like meeting our children or visiting the care center. Anything exciting.

Well, that's all for now. Except one thing; my mom is adding a picture of our family. Sort of. I made us out of Legos. What do you think?

Sweet Pea

Because I am His

2010-02-22T07:49:00.000-05:00

The other day I was telling a friend that I used to wonder whether I would think our adopted children were "cute." I know that probably sounds awfully shallow, but if you're a mother you know that your own children are always beautiful to you. Our four "biological" children may not be the most beautiful children in the world to everyone else, but they are to me. From the first moment I saw those wrinkly little faces as they emerged from birth, I was rapt. They were, and still are, perfect to me. And so I wondered, would I have this same unreasonable pleasure in gazing at the faces of the children God brought to our family through adoption, or was this a response that was somehow born through the process of biology and birth? Well, now I know. We frequently receive pictures of Yoseph and Mihret from the care center where they are living. And they are, of course, the most beautiful children there. (To me!) My eyes are instantly drawn to them in a picture of a dozen other children. I love them , and I delight in them. Because they are mine.

And as I've been pondering this, God has kept showing me a deeper truth. Recently I was laying in bed wondering how God can look at me with any favor when I am so unlovable. Being in a stressful, busy time definitely puts me in a position of being very aware of my sinful nature. To paraphrase Paul, why do I do the things I don't want to do (get impatient, stressed, and out of sorts, fail to sit at the feet of my Lord), and I can't do the things I want to do (be patient, loving, kind, faithful)? I have been feeling sometimes far from God, and often failing Him. And I was struck with the truth that He doesn't, of course, love me because there's anything worthy about me. He loves me because I am His. Because He has adopted me into His family, I am beautiful to Him. Because of Christ's death and resurrection, I am a sister and daughter in His family. He sees me as His own. Yes, of course I've known this before. But now...I get it.

I think Mihret and Yoseph have already taught me more than I will ever be able to teach them.

The Lenten season

2010-02-17T08:36:00.003-05:00

This may be my favorite time of year. I know that we will have to modify some of our family traditions, given all that our family has happening during Lent this year, but I thought I'd offer a resource we enjoyed last year, and it's simple enough that I think we can even keep up with it this year. It's a free download called "Lent Activities for the Family." Just click HERE, then scroll down to the third item on the page (Lenten Tree and Activities Book). (The first two books on the page sound great also, but they're not free!)
Blessings to you all during this season of Lent.

To add to the last post...

2010-02-13T12:25:00.000-05:00

Read this: Special Hope Network: "How Lovely is His Dwelling Place". This is the website of precious friends who are truly giving up everything to move to Africa and care for orphans with special needs. We love them so much, and will selfishly grieve when they leave in April. They are really much more than friends; they have filled the roles of friends, counselors, and pastor, as well as being just tons of fun. This post, though, is not tons of fun to read. It is, however, piercing. Because it's the truth. Do you want to hear it?

Count the Cost

2010-02-12T21:22:00.000-05:00

If you've ever read this blog before, I'm sure you've gathered that we're excited about adoption. When we were dating, Jim and I dreamed about adopting. As a family, we've talked and prayed about adopting for years. I can look back and see seeds that God was planting in our hearts over the years to draw us toward this plan that He had for us; even toward these specific two children that He has always known would be part of our family. And I can tell you that there is an indescribable joy in being right where God wants you to be. A sweet sensing of His pleasure when you step forward in obedience. An experience of His blessing that is almost tangible.

But if you know me really well, you have also seen my fear. There have been moments throughout the process of this adoption when I've hovered on the edge of panic. I've spent sleepless nights wondering what we were thinking to take blind steps into this unknown place. What might we be taking on? What might we be giving up? I mean, really; we're in a pretty good place. We are financially stable even in this culture, and compared to most of the world we are ridiculously wealthy. All four of our children are healthy (and at least in my opinion they are also beautiful, intelligent, and talented!) We've had the opportunity to be educated, and to educate our children. We have wonderful friends. We are free to worship, as well as to do pretty much whatever else we want to do. And here's the thing...I am so selfish. I don't want my life to be harder. I don't want to suffer. Am I really willing to sacrifice? This is what I am learning, and what I long for: that I would experience more and more deeply the truth that God is more satisfying than anything. That there is nothing I have that I would not lose for the sake of obedience to Jesus. That I would pursue whatever He calls me to with abandon. I am so far from being there, but I am learning...I am.

I am sitting in my comfortable house, on the couch, with my laptop on my lap and a heating pad on my back. I hurt my back today lifting boxes (looking for clothes for Mihret and Yoseph). I felt sorry for myself. I wondered how I could possibly get done any of the things on my (very long) list if I couldn't even stand up straight. In pain, I snapped at the children. Without the frantic pace of busyness I've been keeping since we got our travel date, I started worrying about things. Missed flights. Power outages in Ethiopia. Parasites. Lice. Temper tantrums on 17 hour plane rides (maybe the children's; maybe mine). Attachment disorders. Long-term effects of malnutrition. Racism. Taking care of African hair (okay, that might seem out of place, but it's on my mind!) And there are lots of others. But at some point, God just got ahold of my heart. And I got it (at least for the moment). So what? What if we miss our flight (or worse). What if there are lice, parasites, temper tantrums, attachment disorders, special needs I can't foresee? Really? What if our children (all 6 of them) experience painful challenges? God is bigger. He is better. Better than living a life that seems safe, comfortable, and predictable. I want to be in the center of His will. We've been reading and memorizing Psalm 91 lately: He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. We've been talking with the kids about the fact that you can't be in Someone's shadow unless you're very close to Him. And that's where I want to be. And I don't think He is staying in the clean, safe, comfortable places. Honestly, when I think about what we're doing in those terms, I feel like an idiot even considering that we're facing anything that might be considered "suffering". There is so much more we could do. There is so much more we could give. I hope and pray that our children (all 6 of them!) will learn to live with abandon for God. That they won't have my steep learning curve. And I hope I keep learning too.

Here's something I read this afternoon that's worth checking out: http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/2010/02/she-was-eighteen-years-old-and-she-had.html

Oh. My. Goodness.

2010-02-09T20:01:00.001-05:00

I cannot seem to find the time to take a deep breath! Or to write a post for this blog, apparently! I'm hoping to find the time to write some more soon (sooo many thoughts I'd love to share), but for now I just want to offer this piece of information...

We're leaving on February 26. That's 16 days from now. We'll be flying out on a Friday morning and arriving in Addis Ababa on Saturday morning after a 17 hour flight. We'll meet Mihret and Yoseph on Tuesday morning, and they will be with us from then on. We'll fly out of Addis on Friday night Ethiopian time, and arrive back at Dulles on Saturday morning (our time). Somewhere in there, due to the time change, we lose an entire 8 hour night of sleep. Might not make THAT up for a long time!

Please keep lifting up the prayers. Oh, how we need them.

YES !!!

2010-01-26T22:48:00.001-05:00

Yoseph and Mihret are officially part of our family; we passed court!! We are so thankful to all of you who were praying yesterday and last night. I was overwhelmed to hear from friends who were up in the night praying for them (as I was!) As I was praying last night, this is the passage that I kept coming back to:

Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all who are oppressed.
He made known his ways to Moses,
his acts to the people of Israel.
The LORD is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
He will not always chide,
nor will he keep his anger forever.
He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.
For he knows our frame;
he remembers that we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass;
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
and its place knows it no more.
But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him,
and his righteousness to children’s children,
to those who keep his covenant
and remember to do his commandments.
The LORD has established his throne in the heavens,
and his kingdom rules over all.

Bless the LORD, O you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his word,
obeying the voice of his word!
Bless the LORD, all his hosts,
his ministers, who do his will!
Bless the LORD, all his works,
in all places of his dominion.
Bless the LORD, O my soul!

We are so thankful, and so excited! Though we still don't know exactly when we'll travel, it should be within 6 weeks. By mid-March we hope to be home, with our family all together under one roof.

And even more good news; we also got an e-mail today from a precious mom who just adopted two children through our agency. She was at the care center last week and spent time with Yoseph and Mihret, and gave us a wonderful report on both children. The kids and I were dancing in the kitchen at hearing the good news of passing court as we looked at the first pictures we've seen of Yoseph with a smile. And yes, I can show you now! Here they are:

Mihret looking pensive

He smiles!

Brother and Sister

That's our picture she's holding! (And yes, we sent her those M&Ms; it

may be a rude awakening when they realize our house isn't filled with candy!)

We will post more as soon as we know when we'll be traveling. We would love for you to continue praying for the following; that all of the paperwork, medicals, etc. that have to happen in Ethiopia before we travel will happen as quickly as possible, that we will be able to get everything done here in preparation for traveling, and that Mihret and Yoseph will be protected as they stay in the care center for 6 more weeks. And, that we will keep our eyes fixed on the One who is orchestrating it all.

We'll keep you posted!

I hope you'll read this

2010-01-25T08:07:00.002-05:00

Jim and I have been talking a lot lately about what life will look like after Mihret and Yoseph come home. But oddly, it's not about what daily life will look like with 6 children, or even about issues related to adjusting and attaching with two traumatized toddlers who don't speak English. Our conversations are about what God wants us to do next. These children are not the end of a mission for us, but the beginning. They are a piece of what God has been working in our hearts over years. A piece of knowing that we want to lay down our lives for Him, whatever that might look like. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I've been reading The Hole in our Gospel (read it if you can), and having my heart both broken and challenged. So when I read the following post I was in tears. This is from a blog by a young woman named Katie who is in Uganda living out the gospel. It's long, I know. I hope you'll read it all. Here's the link to Katie's blog if you want to know more: kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com

Friday, January 22, 2010
It is dark. It is quiet. The cold rain drips through her thatched roof soaking through the thin sheet she wraps around her skeletally frail body. Grace is 80 years old, blind, and all alone. Her HIV has progressed into full blown AIDS making it impossible for her tiny body to fight off any type of infection. The merciless cough caused by tuberculosis racks her body. In despair she cries out to God, a God she has not spoken to in twenty years, believing he had forsaken her when the AIDS virus took her precious husband and all 6 of her children from this earth. She wails to Him and asks if He can hear her. She knows that her life is near the end. She desperately wants to believe in something, anything, before she departs from this world. She begs the Lord that if He can hear her, if He is indeed real, He would send her a friend, a visitor, some kind of sign that someone out there cares. She falls asleep shivering, with a plastic trash bag over her head to keep the rain off her face.

The next day I make the familiar trek through the Masese III village, Patricia strapped to my back, bandaging wounds, testing for malaria, kissing foreheads. A woman from our beading group (go buy a beautifully handmade necklace and feed a child! www.147millionorphans.com) suggests that I go visit a blind old woman that she has heard of who may need some assistance, so I grab my dear friend Tamara and head deep into the village in the direction we have been pointed. I am not prepared for the sight that meets my eyes. Grace is indeed old and blind, but that only scratches the surface of her troubles. I actually spend a few minutes marveling at the fact that she is still alive. Her body is hardly strong enough to sit up, let alone stand or walk. She has not eaten in three days, and she hasn’t seen in 5 years. What gets to me most is the eerie quietness that surrounds her house, in the very back of the village near a trash pile, all the neighbors gone to work, even the wind seems quiet today. I think for a moment that her tiny mud house is exceptionally dark inside, and then I remember that for her, it is already dark anyway. I embrace this sweet woman, patting her back and kissing her cheeks and I tell her that Jesus loves her and I love her. “He does!” She exclaims. “He has sent me visitors as I asked!” Her excitement turns to a whisper, “I had stopped believing. I did not think God cared for me. Lord, I believe in You.” Tears streamed down both of our faces and together we began to pray to our Father who sees and hears and answers even the smallest of our requests.

All this took place about three months ago and was just the beginning of lots and lots of time spent with Grace. I would take her food a few times a week that her neighbors would help her cook every day. We went to many, many doctor’s appointments getting her treatment for her TB, blood transfusions, and lots of vitamins. When I brought the girls to meet her, they instantly fell in love with her sweet heart and immediately adopted her as their Jja Jja (grandmother). Most Sundays the girls and I pack up a picnic lunch and head over to Jja Jja Grace’s house to share a meal with her, read the Bible, sing and dance. The girls love it and Grace loves the house filled with noise and laughter. On Christmas day we ate lunch at her house and God gave all of us the most beautiful Christmas gift (second only to His Son, of course!) Jja Jja Grace, who just months ago had been too weak to stand, began to walk. She walked around the outside of her entire house (about ten square feet), praising the Lord the whole time. As neighbors came to watch and ask, we prayed with them to accept Jesus. Grace’s testimony was changing lives right before our eyes, and how blessed we felt to be a part of it.

Two days ago I went to visit Grace and was surprised to see that the food we had sent her for the week remained uncooked and uneaten. She said the neighbor who had been helping her cook the food had moved away three days ago, and she had not eaten since. I asked her how she had been taking her medicine, and she said that she feels around for each of her five packets of medicine and swallows one pill out of each. This presents a problem as they are all different, some to be taken 3 times a day, some to be taken two at a time, some with food, and some without. This clearly was not going to work. After talking to more of Grace’s neighbors and finding no one that was willing or even able to help, it struck me. We were going to have to move Jja Jja Grace in with us. To say that the idea of this overwhelmed me would be an extreme understatement. The girls helped me cook Grace’s lunch and wash some clothes for her, and we headed home so that I could think and pray about what to do next.

I rolled around in my bed not sleeping that night, “God are you truly asking me to do this?” And God said, “I think you know the answer. You don’t actually wonder if I am truly asking you to do this, you are just afraid of the inconvenience it may be to you to have a blind old woman in your care.” It was true. Somehow, adopting a grandmother seemed a lot more daunting than adopting a child. But it boiled down to this: Do I believe that Jesus was serious? Do I believe what He said was true? And the answer is yes. I believe that he was serious when He said to love my neighbor as myself, and I believe He meant this even when my neighbor was not tiny and cute and cuddly. I believe when He said to love my neighbor as MYSELF. He really meant to care for others as I would care for myself or my family, and I would never let myself or my family live in such conditions. How different it can be to “believe” the word of God and to take it literally.

As I thought of all the different life changes that would need to take place for us to accommodate Jja Jja Grace completely overwhelmed me, but the only reasons I could think of to NOT move her in with us were completely selfish. We have enough room, we have enough food, we have enough love. We have enough. I kept coming back to Matthew 25, a passage etched in my hear that says:

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'
They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?' He will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for the least of these brother’s of mine, you did not do for me.’

Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

I BELIEVE that when Jesus said, “I tell you the TRUTH,” He meant just that, that His words were true and He wasn’t kidding. YES, I believe that I am saved by faith through GRACE. Grace that is freely given and cannot be earned by anything I do. But I also believe that sometimes we rely so heavily on the Grace of God to cover our sins that we blatantly disobey His word and feel ok about it. “Depart from me you who are cursed into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.” THAT is what Jesus will say to those of us who do not care for the least of these. I believe this is true because I believe His word is true, EVERY word is true, plain and simple. That is a heavy, heartbreaking thought. How often have we neglected you, Lord?

“I’m sick,” He said, “will you look after me? Will you invite me in?”

Yes.

In the morning I sat the girls down for a family meeting, something that is quite routine at our house. I already knew what their response would be when I asked them what they thought about Jja Jja Grace coming to live with us; I knew that they would be more than willing, excited even. They are SO MUCH better than me at giving without holding anything back. The vote was unanimous, they jumped up and down and squealed and told me thank you for having such a good idea. I laughed to myself; this was SO not my idea.

We went back to Masese that day and after women’s meeting went down to Jja Jja Grace’s house to invite her to move into our home. Tears welled in her eyes and a grin crossed her face, “God has given me a family,” she cried. “All these years with no one, and He has given me a new family!” What happened next threw me for a loop though; she said no! I looked up and wondered. All that thinking and processing and not sleeping, and she said no. She said that she was too old to start a new life and would be too much of a burden on us. She said that Jesus would be the one to take care of her and we could just continue to do what we can at her house. The girls begged and pleaded, but she had made up her mind. I will not pretend that my selfish, human heart didn’t feel some relief.

As we left, all feeling encouraged by the love God has sewn into our relationships with Grace, I wondered if He just wanted to grow me. If He just wanted to see if I would say yes. If in some small way, I was like Abraham and He just wanted to make sure I was willing to sacrifice it all for Him, only to tell me that I didn’t really have to. Jja Jja Grace may still move in; she may not. I am leaving that one in God’s hands. I believe however that the act of Grace moving into our home was not really the point; God just wanted to work in my heart. I am so thankful that He loves me enough to teach and mold me on such a personal level. I am thankful for Jja Jja Grace and all she has taught me and my family about Jesus. I am thankful for the opportunity to look into the eyes of the least of these and know that Jesus is staring back at me. I am thankful for the opportunity to simply say, “Yes.”
Posted by auntie katie at 4:22 AM

Please pray tomorrow...

2010-01-24T18:32:00.003-05:00

Tuesday is our court day! We are praying and hoping that our case will pass court on Tuesday, and that Yoseph and Mihret will legally be ours (at least in the eyes of the Ethiopian government). If we pass, we will be able to travel and bring the children home within 6 weeks. If we don't pass, which unfortunately is not uncommon, we will be given a new court date within 3 or 4 weeks, which of course delays our travel time by that many weeks. Because of Yoseph's health we are very much hoping not to have any further delays.

Because Ethiopia is 8 hours ahead of us, our case will likely be heard between midnight and 8 am on Tuesday morning, so by the time we get up on Tuesday it will be done (though I expect I'll be up praying during the night). We would love your prayers tomorrow (Monday), and hopefully we'll know the outcome sometime on Tuesday. We'll let you know.

Haiti

2010-01-18T11:30:00.006-05:00

I have been very, very busy for the last few days. So busy that I did not take the time to post anything about the disaster in Haiti. But I realized that I really needed to stop and write this. I've been reading The Hole in our Gospel over the last weeks (I'll post more about the book another time), and feeling my heart challenged by considering what God really does expect of us. This is ridiculous, really, in how small of an effort it is, but I couldn't go on with this day without taking the time to say that we all need to help. We need to pray, and we need to give. Sadly, conditions in Haiti (and and many other areas of the world) were devastating long before this earthquake, but it's so easy for us to overlook as we move through our daily lives untouched by it. But in the face of such a catastrophic situation, we all stop for a least a moment and really pay attention. Yes, these are God's children. He loves them. And yes, He has asked us to take care of them. Jesus had a lot to say about what God expects of us. He asks us for everything. He wants us to change the world. Here's a good place to start.

http://www.worldvision.org/

http://www.samaritanspurse.org/

And click here for a story from Haiti that is good news; some of the orphans there are going home.

"Whoever heard me spoke well of me,
and those who saw me commended me,
because I rescued the poor who cried for help,
and the fatherless who had none to assist him.
The man who was dying blessed me;
I made the widow's heart sing.
I put on righteousness as my clothing;
justice was my robe and my turban.
I was eyes to the blind
and feet to the lame.
I was a father to the needy;
I took up the case of the stranger.
I broke the fangs of the wicked
and snatched the victims from their teeth."
-Job 29:11-17

Christ has no body on earth but yours,
no hands but yours,
no feet but yours.
Yours are the eyes through which
Christ's compassion for the world is to look out;
yours are the feet with which He is to go about doing good;
and yours are the hands with which he is to bless us now.
-Saint Teresa of Avila

"Let my heart be broken by the things that break the heart of God." -Bob Pierce (founder of World Vision)

He sees their faces

2010-01-10T15:26:00.013-05:00

I am learning so much about what it really means to trust God. I think we often say (even if just to ourselves) that we are trusting God with something, but in reality we are doing all we can to manage a situation on our own. I'm not saying we shouldn't strive to do what we can even as we bring some particular care to the Lord. But really...do we believe that He can take care of it without us? Do we believe that He will? I have found myself really challenged in this area recently. Yoseph, our little son in Ethiopia, was extremely malnourished when he was brought to our agency's care center. He is very, very small, and clearly in need of some special attention. We were made aware of this through a series of reports we received from families who had visited the care center when they traveled to bring their children home. We began to pray, but also to pursue getting some help for him. Within a few weeks the director of our agency was able to get him seen by a doctor at the Embassy in Addis. We were actually concerned that he might have other developmental or medical problems beyond just malnutrition, and the good news is that the doctor feels he is "fine" other than being extremely malnourished (though, as Jim pointed out, there could have been other issues from which God has already healed him as we prayed). It is reported that the care center has put him on a special diet now. Of course, I cannot see this being done. I can't see what they're feeding him, and I can't see how his little body is responding to the nourishment he is receiving. I also can't see whether he and Mihret are being held and loved. I wonder about all of these things often. And yet,believe it or not, I am sleeping just fine at night. Of course, I am desparately longing to get them home. We are praying and asking everyone we know to pray that we will pass court on January 26 so that we can get on a plane and bring them home by March. The thing that gets me through the night, though, is just this: My Father sees Yoseph's face every day. My Father...is looking...at Yoseph's face. Right now. He is seeing Mihret. He is loving them. It is all in His hands. And this peace is spreading (albeit slowly!) to other areas of my "control freakishness" as well. We've had some typical struggles with others of our children lately (the ones who are right here under my roof!) And I can't see inside their hearts, or their little heads, to know how best to work through things sometimes. In fact, sometimes I'm afraid that it's my own parenting that might be wreaking some havoc in those little hearts and heads (though I've prayed for years that God will protect them from my mistakes!) But guess what? He see their faces all the time. He sees inside their hearts and minds. He knows how to heal and grow them when I don't. He is loving them. My prayers for all of my children are becoming so much more real. I don't just spout off prayers for help as I move ahead to look up something in a parenting book (maybe about pre-teens?) or call a friend to ask for advice. It's true...there are lots of inspired writings out there about parenting and all other matters, and I happen to have some very wise friends as well. And I am thankful to God for those resources. But He is my first source of help, of comfort, of strength. The conversations that I have with Him are so much more crucial and valuable than any other conversations. Because He's not only hearing my side of the story! He knows all about it, He cares all about it, and He can do something about it. I just keep coming back to this...He sees their faces. I hope that someday Yoseph and Mihret will truly be able to understand and appreciate all that God has done...not just for them, but through them. We are truly blessed to be allowed by God the privilege of participating in adoption. He has shown us so much more of Himself throught the process, and been so patient to keep contending with me even as I continue asking Him to show me more evidence that He is leading us through this.

But certainly God has heard;
He has given heed to the voice of my prayer.
Blessed be God,
Who has not turned away my prayer
Nor His lovingkindness from me. Psalm 66:19-20

The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime;
And His song will be with me in the night,
A prayer to the God of my life. Psalm 42:8

On a lighter note, speaking of seeing their faces, I still can't post them here! If we pass court on January 26, then they will legally be ours in the eyes of the Ethiopian government, and then we can post their pictures. Meanwhile, how about a sneak peek?

Court Date!!

2010-01-04T18:34:00.004-05:00

Today we learned that we have been assigned a court date for Mihret and Yoseph...January 26! We don't go to the court date, but at some point that day will find out if our case passed court. If so, the children will be legally ours in the eyes of the Ethiopian government, and we will be assigned an Embassy date around 6 weeks later (that's when we'll travel, attend the Embassy appointment with the children, and bring them home!)

Not everyone passes court the first time; the Ethiopian judges are very particular (rightfully so, as their desire is to protect children and families) and will not pass us unless every piece of paperwork is in perfect order. Also, Mihret and Yoseph's mother will have to be present in order for the case to pass. That piece is very painful for me to consider. I'm glad she'll know that the children have a family, but it seems just too much that she has to travel again, and basically give them up again. Please be praying for her, for the children, and for the court date.

We'll keep you posted.

Happy New Year

2009-12-31T14:12:00.003-05:00

I love January. I always look forward to it with almost as much excitement as I feel when Christmas is coming. I love a fresh start with endless possibilities. I love getting back to homeschooling after a break for the holidays. I love the idea of resolutions and the hopefulness of asking God to grow me more like Himself in the coming year.

This year as usual I'm looking forward to January, but honestly I'm also feeling a bit anxious. I already know that God is bringing huge changes to our family in the next year as we travel to Ethiopia and bring Yoseph and Mihret home. And as much as I am extremely eager to get them home, sometime the "unknowns" of the situation feel quite scary to me. So I'm stepping into the new year with the following words at heart (from an 1809 poem by Minnie Haskins titled "The Gate of the Year"):

I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year
"Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown."
And he replied, "Go into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way!"

So as we head into the new year tomorrow, I'm purposefully stepping out into the darkness of the unknown. And as I believe that we are going the way God is leading us, I know that it truly is better than a known way. (Scarier, but better!) I wonder what next year's "Happy New Year" post might contain?

Snow Day!!!

2009-12-19T16:30:00.020-05:00

It's now 4:30 pm on Saturday, and it's been snowing pretty steadily for 24 hours. I am almost speechless. It's been at least 15 years since I've seen this much snow. The kids have been in a cycle all day; play outside, come in and drink hot chocolate while we dry their coats and mittens, then back outside again. What fun! I couldn't help taking lots of pictures, knowing that it could be a long time before we see this kind of snow again. Here's an overview of our day:
This was the view from our deck when we woke up this morning. (See Sunshine above, gazing out the window in her pajamas.)

Jim playing in the snow.

Sunshine's first steps into our "winter wonderland."

Sweet Pea dives in.

Tiger and Samson "snow wrestling."

Boo and Sunshine headed out again (they've switched snowsuits now!)

Look closely at the driveway; a tree has fallen into it! Several trees are broken or down in the backyard as well.

We capped off the day with a night-time walk in the snow (looking for Christmas lights in our neighborhood).

Boo makes a snow angel (yes, right in the middle of the street!)

Home again...and Jim tackles Tiger over the top of a snowdrift.

Good night!

Let it snow!!

2009-12-18T20:56:00.002-05:00

The forecast here is for 12 to 24 inches of snow!! I don't think any of our children have EVER seen that much snow! It seemed like fun to make it snow on my blog as well, but maybe tomorrow I'll have some fun pictures of real snow. LOTS of real snow! I've told the kids stories about how much snow we had "up north" when I was growing up, and now they're all in their beds dreaming about all the fun they'll have tomorrow. And maybe all week: it's supposed to stay cold enough that this snow will likely stay around. I can't wait for tomorrow. Sledding, snowmen, snowball fights, hot chocolate...and I would love to go for a walk tomorrow evening after dark and look at all of the neighborhood Christmas lights in the snow. Enjoy!

Just a little Christmas fun

2009-12-09T13:35:00.005-05:00

Sweet Pea and I found two websites that our children have enjoyed this week. If you're looking for deep, meaningful Advent activities, you'll probably want to look elsewhere! But these are cute and fun (and a good quiet activity for a small or medium sized person who needs to wind down a little in the midst of holiday busyness, if you know what I mean!)

This first one lets you decorate (and e-mail if you want) a virtual gingerbread man:

http://www.theoworlds.com/christmas/

On this one you can create a snowman family, decorate a Christmas tree, or set up a Nativity scene:

http://www.growley.com/cmas/

Enjoy!

What will they see?

2009-12-07T09:27:00.005-05:00

Sometime tomorrow, Mihret and Yoseph will see our faces for the first time. A precious family from our agency is in Addis right now to bring their little girl home, and they're delivering packages to Mihret and Yoseph for us. We were allowed to send each child whatever we could fit into a gallon sized ziplock bag. How inadequate this felt, for all of the love we wanted to communicate in that little bag! We packed a cute little shirt for each child (having one's own clothing is prized at the care center, though eventually it will become community property), along with some little toys, crayons, etc. But most importantly, we were able to make them each a small photo album filled with pictures of our home and family. I can't stop thinking about this, and wondering what they'll think of it. What will the nannies tell them? How will they even begin to understand what all of this means? They are still fresh from the arms of their mother; only having been in the orphanage for a few weeks. I can't think, without tears, of having the nannies point at my picture and tell them that I am their "Amaye/Mother" while they still must be greiving the only mother they've ever known. I don't know how long it's been since their father died, but what will they think when the nannies point at Jim's picture and tell them that he is their "Abaye/Daddy"? I wonder how confusing this must be to a little girl of three, and a little boy not even two. My heart is breaking for them. But I keep reminding myself that God knows all of this, and that He is Jehovah Rapha, the God who heals. He can heal all of the wounds that these little ones have suffered (just as He's healed many of mine). It's because of Him that Jim and I really will be Mama and Daddy to these two. It's because of Him that we have the capacity to love them, and that they will (over time) have the capacity to receive our love and to know us as their parents. It's a miracle, really.

And I can only believe that it's possible because of this: that somehow we are able to know the love of God as our Father. Although we are wounded and lost, He teaches us to love Him and trust Him. Sometimes, for some of us (me!), it's a long journey to reach that point. To really understand what it means to know God as a loving Father. To know that He desires us, loves us, and will never leave us. And honestly, Mihret and Yoseph are already teaching me all that I long for them to know about being loved by an adoptive parent. My understanding of God's love for me deepens every time I look at their pictures and love them.

Here again, this Advent season is made so much richer for me as I wait for our children. I read this today (from Martin Luther):

"Unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given" (Isa. 9:6). This is for us the hardest point, not so much to believe that He is the son of the virgin and God himself, as to believe that this Son of God is ours. That is where we wilt, but He who does feel it has become another man. Truly it is marvelous in our eyes that God should place a little child in the lap of a virgin and that all our blessedness would lie in Him. And this Child belongs to all mankind. God feeds the whole world through a Babe nursing at Mary's breast. This must be our daily exercise: to be transformed into Christ, being nourished by this food. Then will the heart be suffused with all joy and will be strong and confident against every assualt."

So today my prayer is that someday Mihret and Yoseph will embrace these truths. That even next Christmas, they will find some new meaning in the birth of a Savior. That He is theirs. And that somehow He might even use our imperfect love for them as an illustration of His perfect love for them. And now I sigh. And long for Him and for them.

Having said all of that, may I just make a confession? I am longing for them to love the little shirts and socks and toys in those ziplock bags. Boo has been wrapping up little presents for Mihret and putting them under our Christmas tree. As I said, our love is imperfect. But we are longing to shower them with it!

It's Advent!!!

2009-11-29T20:41:00.005-05:00

I've been so looking forward to this season. And I'm so glad that it is finally the first day of Advent, 2009. The focus on drawing nearer to Christ (and to one another as a family in the process) is filling my heart. There are two new books on the sidebar now which are also on my coffee table. A nice new festive background graces my blog (don't be surprised if it changes again between now and Christmas!). The first candle in our advent wreath was lit tonight. But here's a thought to start off your advent season that will top anything I could say:

This video is particularly poignant to me this Advent season as we are waiting not only for Christmas, but also for Mihret and Yoseph to come home. I was so aware, as we read and sang together this evening by the Advent wreath, that Mihret and Yoseph don't need any of the piles of material "stuff" they will encounter when they get here. They need a Savior. That, I believe, is why He is bringing them here. It all makes the Advent experience for us even richer this year. I hope yours will be too.

God sets the lonely in families...(yes, this is it!)

2009-11-14T13:56:00.007-05:00

Sorry; if you've seen me in the last two weeks this will be pretty anticlimactic. But for those far away, now you'll get the scoop. I had been waiting for a chance to tell some family members the news before I went public. I have been ready to write this since Thursday,though, but for some reason have kept holding back. I think that part of me just really doesn't believe that this is real. Two weeks ago, through a series of events that were completely unexpected, highly unlikely, and quite possibly miraculous, we "found" our children. We had been facing some pretty significant problems and disappointments with our adoption process, and had been praying and asking others to pray that we would have clarity as to how we should proceed. Our family had been praying in faith that God knew and saw the faces of the fatherless. He knew the need, He knew our hearts, and we prayed that He would make the connection if His plan was to allow us to bring adopted children into our family. On a Monday morning, while Jim was in Washington D.C. for a meeting, we received pictures and information about siblings in Ethiopia. I was frantically calling and e-mailing Jim. He was calmly praying. In a very short period of time (probably less than an hour) he was clear that God wanted us to move ahead with this. And we did. Mihret, whose name means "mercy", is three years old. Her brother Yoseph is 19 months old. Even as I type their names I am overwhelmed again with God's goodness, and yes, His "mercy". This truly is more than we could have asked or imagined. Jim and I have been talking about adoption for over 15 years, and our family has been actively pursuing it since last January. And now, these beautiful children are waiting for us.

There is so much more I could say; so many stories of God's faithfulness over the last two weeks in affirming this decision and helping us to move forward. We have been buried in paperwork, standing in line at the Post Office every other day, and praying, praying, praying. And always looking at the sweet faces of these children which we have placed in almost every room of our house.

Please pray for us and for Mihret and Yoseph. As far as we know, they have lived with their father and mother until very recently. Their father died, and their mother left them in an orphanage because she was unable to care for them. We cannot even imagine the pain that she must have experienced. In Ethiopia, 81% of the population lives on less than $2 a day, and 27% live on less than $1 a day. Many families are literally unable to feed their children, and it's a common practice for parents to relinquish their children to an orphanage, or even abandon them on the street. Last year there were more than 4.3 million orphans in Ethiopia, and only around 8,000 were adopted. Mihret and Yoseph's mother did not know when she left them that they would be adopted, but took them to a place where she believed they had a better chance to survive. Before we travel to bring the children home, their mother will know that they have a family. It's very unlikely that we will ever be able to meet her, but we will never stop praying for her.

We still have a long wait before we can bring them home. We've done everything we can here. Next week our paperwork will go from Virginia to South Carolina, then to Washington D.C., and finally to Ethiopia. At that point the Ethiopian government will set a court date for the children. If everything is in order, a date will then be set for us to travel to Ethiopia, have an appointment at the embassy in Addis Ababa, and then finally bring them home. We are trusting the timing of all of this into God's hands. We have a general idea of how long this process usually takes, but will place no limits on what God might do.

Thanks to all who have prayed for us so far on this journey. Keep it coming! We will continue to keep you updated. Oh, and we are not allowed to post the children's pictures until our case passes court and they are officially ours. If you see me on the street, though...well that's another matter. I will most likely have those pictures close by.

"God sets the lonely in families..." Psalm 68:10

Pie for Breakfast

2009-11-11T09:52:00.005-05:00

No, this isn't the "big news," (you'll still have to wait a couple of days for that), but I couldn't resist sharing. Sweet Pea and I are lovers of all things pumpkin. At the first hint of fall, we start planning all of the pumpkin recipes we can't wait to try out. (Of course, the rest of the clan are perfectly happy to help out as taste testers). This year we found a new one called Pumpkin Pie Oatmeal, which surpisingly Sweet Pea doesn't like, but is a big hit with everyone else. No matter how many pumpkin recipes we try, though, there is just no match for plain old pumpkin pie...for breakfast, of course. Last night I got the urge, so we whipped up the pie before bed, and we all went to sleep anticipating our favorite breakfast.

Okay, okay, for all of you health nuts out there, let's review the ingredients in pumpkin pie. Pumpkin. A veggie for breakfast; what could be better? Or is it a fruit? Those seed always throw me. Milk (need I say more?). Eggs (obviously right for breakfast). Cinnamon (a super food; great for everything from blood sugar to balding). And, okay, there's some sugar (no more than you would eat in a bowl of boxed cereal, I'll bet).

Go ahead and try it; there are only a few weeks left of pumpkin season, and then there will be no more pie for breakfast 'til next year. Oh, well I guess there's always apple. And blueberry. Oh, and there's peach...

Big news coming soon...

2009-11-10T07:49:00.001-05:00

Sorry, that's all I can say. You'll just have to check back in a few days...

She's Eleven!

2009-10-24T10:57:00.014-04:00

This post is late in coming, since Sweet Pea's birthday was actually two weeks ago, but I'm finally getting around to documenting it. This precious girl, the girl who made me a mom after years of praying and hoping, is ELEVEN!! Honestly, my sharpest memory is not even of the moment of her birth, but of the morning we found out that I was pregnant with her. The joy that she brought us that morning has continued and grown over the past eleven years, and I think God for her.

Sweet Pea is a pretty serious girl. Some of her siblings (who shall be un-named for this moment) are downright silly, but Sweet Pea tries to help us maintain a certain level of dignity in this crazy family. She is steady and kind. Her affection and encouragement have helped me through many a difficult moment. She is bold in her convictions, and more than once has called me to account (quietly and respectfully) when my attitude was less than godly. She is a priceless treasure, and I am so thankful for her. I thought I would be sad to see her growing up, but the truth is that I am enjoying her so much that I only look forward to knowing her as a young woman, and as a sister in Christ.

She loves books, crafts, and cooking. She has a servant's heart, and is often coming up with creative ways to love and serve her siblings, especially her little sisters. They are often the recipients of piles of home-made paper dolls or clothes for their dolls or stuffed animals. And she is Tiger's best friend and confidante. She is a treasure.

This is a picture of Sweet Pea and Boo at the State Fair. Sweet Pea used her spending money at the fair to buy Boo a pony ride (and convinced me to use mine to pay for Sunshine's ride!)

Sweet Pea also loves horses. She reads about them, draws them, makes horse paper dolls, and dreams of owning one someday (her life's ambition is to be a mom with seven children who lives on a farm and has a horse!) Sooooo, for her birthday she and I went for a trail rider in the mountains together. I hadn't been on a horse for...well, I won't say how long. And she had never ridden on her own. We suprised her with this gift, and I have to say that it was absolutely lovely. I don't know which of us enjoyed it more. Most of the pictures I got were of her horse's backside (I was riding behind her), but here are a couple of pics of her birthday present. (By the way, for any other moms who undertake riding a horse after many years, I strongly advise stocking up on Advil. Go ahead and take some before the ride.)

Happy birthday Sweet Pea; we couldn't love you more.

Friday Favorites

2009-09-24T17:22:00.010-04:00

On a much lighter note (than my recent posts), I'm so glad it's Friday, and here a just a few highlights (favorites!) from this week:

Three painted lady butterflies emerged from the chrysalides today, and so far we haven't killed any of them (even though I traumatized everyone by dropping one while its wings were still wet). The last time we had more than one (a few years ago), they quickly laid more eggs and we were able to observe the complete metamorphosis. Anyone know how you tell the gender of a butterfly?

Hilarious Friday lunch. Okay, it's not exactly gourmet, but the kids thought it hilarious when I put these on their plates. It actually took them a little while to figure out how I got the spaghetti through the turkey kielbasa. And they all gobbled it up!

This isn't really just a Friday favorite, but something that has delighted me since we started this school year. I'm so glad that these two are best friends. They couldn't be more different, but enjoy each other so much.

They have less schoolwork to do than Sweet Pea and Tiger, so they have plenty of time for fun.

Can you tell which one can be a bit ornery?

Happy Friday!

Orphan Sunday

2009-09-21T11:15:00.001-04:00

Orphan Sunday from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

Hungry for more Part 1

2009-08-22T20:34:00.006-04:00

Somehow over the last several months I have been getting hungrier and hungrier. Maybier "thirstier" would be a better analogy, but honestly hunger just seems to fit the way I feel. I think it is what finally prompted us to start the adoption process (after years of talking about it), and I think the process of moving toward adoption has just whet my appetite. I feel God's pleasure in it. And I feel that I know Him more because of it. And it's just leading me to be hungrier and hungrier.

This is not just about adoption. It's about becoming dissatisfied by things that just aren't satisfying. It's about developing an appetite for things that are unspeakably satisfying. I remember a description in The Last Battle (from the Chronicles of Narnia).The children in the story had entered into Aslan's land (though they didn't know it yet) and hesitantly tasted the fruit of a tree there. And "if you had eaten that fruit, all the nicest things in this world would taste like medicines after it." I am experiencing a little taste of that fruit. And I want more. And I don't want to go back to being satisfied with any less.

What I'm understanding more and more (by God's grace alone)is what it really means to say that we can't hold on to God and the world at the same time. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? (Matt. 16:26) I would always have said that I believed those words, but without really deeply understanding them. Without knowing what it really meant to let go of the world, or to truly taste life.

I can't say that I'm doing it well. I daily find myself holding on to worthless things and failing to run after the real treasure. But my appetites are changing. There are a lot of things that I used to think were important, and perhaps even necessary for my happiness. And I didn't see any conflict between desiring those things and saying that I desired God. Many of those things are just part of living in the culture that I live in, and I mostly felt okay about wanting them. But the funny thing is...a lot of those things just don't taste good anymore.

Really it's a lot like my diet. We eat a pretty healthy diet at our house, but occassionally I just crave fast food. I know it's bad for me, but every now and then I convince myself that a little "fix" won't hurt. Once I get ahold of it though...every single time...it just isn't what I thought it would be. Maybe the first few bites taste good, but I really don't want to finish it. And I always regret it. It just makes me appreciate it even more when I get back to our normal (healthy) fare, and I recognize how much better it tastes and makes me feel. So I still find myself craving things of this world sometimes, and even giving in to them. But the more I turn away from them, the more God whets my appetite for what He has for me. Just a taste for now, really. But when I get those little tastes, I can hardly even imagine what's to come.

O Taste and see that the Lord is good.
How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him?
O fear the Lord, you His saints;
For to those who fear Him there is no want.

His Burden is Light

2009-08-06T07:38:00.007-04:00

Before I start, take a look at the new button in the top right sidebar (it matches the above image). Now, I'll tell you a story.

When we first started this adoption process, we had a rather simple picture of what would happen, which included an orphan who needed a family(in our minds a child whose parents had died) and a family (ours) who had plenty of room for another place at the table. Throughout the process our minds and hearts have been stretched as we've gotten a more realistic image. First, most of the children available for adoption in Africa are not "true" orphans. They have living family members, even parents, who have either relinquished or abandoned them due to extreme poverty, disease, or other cultural issues. This was wrenching for me to realize, and actually caused me to step back from the process for awhile as I considered the implications of it. Furthermore, if the child we adopt has living family, there is no clear way for us to help them. We've questioned our agency and they've been clear that absolutely no money or assistance can be provided by us because of child trafficking issues. We have also become aware of the staggering numbers of orphans in Africa and around the world. In Ethiopia alone there are 4.3 million orphans, and I believe that last year only around 8000 were adopted. Clearly adoption is not the answer to the world's orphan problem (though a beautiful solution for those who are adopted).

As we processed some of this information, I really questioned whether we should adopt. Adoption is expensive, and the amount of money we were spending on this adoption could feed and educate dozens of orphans in Africa. Maybe we were being selfish. Maybe we should just send our money to Africa for orphan care and give up the idea of adopting. As I agonized over this, I e-mailed a friend and posed the dilemma to her. My wise friend's answer was simple: do both. Adopt, because through adoption God is giving us the opportunity to provide a family for a child, and to pour our hearts into him in the way that only a family can. And...continue to care for and provide for orphans somehow.

I should mention that my wise friend is the mother of three children. All three are adopted, and all three have special needs. And, she and her husband (also a wise friend of ours!) are currently preparing to sell their house and move to Zambia, South Africa to pioneer a ministry to orphans with special needs. I could go on and on about what they're doing and how excited I am about it, but instead, why don't you just click on the "Special Hope Network" button and see for yourselves. Read what's there, and let God break your heart and give you a burden. I will admit that sometimes I lose sleep over it; I lay in bed some nights and see the pictures and hear the stories we've seen and heard over the past months, and ponder what God has asked of me, and what more He will ask. And I am excited. It's a burden I am eager to carry. Now click on the button on the sidebar, or click here, and see what I mean.

“He pled the cause of the afflicted and needy; then it was well. Is not that what it means to know me?” Jeremiah 22:16

Oh, and if you're interested, following this post is one with an update of our adoption process. :)

An Update

2009-08-06T07:11:00.004-04:00

This may be the last adoption update you'll get for awhile. Two weeks ago today we got our I-171H in the mail. It was a Thursday, and the mail came a bit early that day (around 2:30), so we took off on a race to the capital to the Secretary of the Commonwealth's office, which closes at 4:30, to get the paper officially "sealed". Friday we mailed it off to "The Assistant Stork". This brilliant adoptive mom started a business in which she hand delivers dossiers to the Dept. of State and the various embassies and takes care of all of the paperwork that needs to be done before the dossier can be sent to the agency. From there our papers were sent back to our agency. Yesterday I got an e-mail telling us that on Tuesday the papers were officially sent off to Ethiopia. I can't quite describe how that makes me feel. I am somewhat in awe at what those papers are going to do. I am also extremely thankful that there is nothing at all that I can do about the process at this point; it's entirely and obviously in God's hands, which feels wonderful. I know in my heart that it's been in His hands all along, but during the 6 months that we were working on all of that paperwork it was hard not to feel pressure that we were in control and had to make this happen.

So now we wait. According to the e-mail we got yesterday, there are 12 families ahead of us on the waiting list who are waiting for children in a similar age range to us, and who are either requesting boys or open to either gender (the majority of families adopting request girls, so that's a longer list!) I have no idea of how that will translate in terms of time. Our agency says that it will likely be between 2 and 12 months. I'm glad pregnancy isn't like that; can you imagine being told you'd likely deliver sometime in the next 2 to 12 months?! We are at peace about it, however, and are resting in knowing that God already has the picture of our complete family, and will work it out in His time.

Meanwhile, this blog will continue now with (possibly annoying) posts about our family happenings. But as soon as anything happens on adoption front we'll let you know.

Freed to Visit Orphans

2009-07-25T16:49:00.007-04:00

From Together for Adoption:

Approved!!!

2009-07-16T20:57:00.005-04:00

Thirteen weeks ago we mailed (overnight, of course!) our application for immigration approval from the US Department of Homeland Security. The form we need (I-171H) is required for an international adoption, and we have to have it before we can send our paperwork to Ethiopia. We were met with some unusual challenges in getting our approval, and it took longer than we expected (really only about a month longer, but it felt like a year!), but today we received this one line e-mail:

"Form I-171H (approval notice) will be issued shortly with an approval
date of 7/15/09."

When I saw the source of the e-mail I was afraid to open it. We've had so much frustration with this part of our adoption process, and I confess I have struggled to keep it in perspective. I know that my anger/frustration/anxiety is just a symptom of my failure to trust that God will do what is best. Every time.
I am longing for God to refine me through all of this, and hopeful that because of it I will be more prepared to face all that God has to come for us with faith and with joy. But for this day I am just so happy for this one victory!!

So this is what happens next. First, we wait (hopefully only a few days) until we actually receive the form in the mail. (Which means that I will continue my recent daily races to the mailbox for just a few more days). Then, we'll take the form to the state capital to have it "sealed" so that it will look like all of these other beautiful documents (they actually authenticate the notaries on all of the documents and place the state seal on them):

Jim jokes that I ought to have a safe for these documents, because I don't like anyone to get too close to them, let alone touch them!

Next, we bundle the new document with all of the others and send it off on a long and somewhat confusing journey from here to Washington D.C. to Michigan, and finally to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. There's a good chance that our documents will be in Ethiopia within the next 1-2 weeks. And then the real wait begins. And so we learn to trust God more and more with details large and small. And we pray over each step along the way. We have prayed in the van on the way to the post office, in the post office, and on the way home from the post office. We want the kids to know that God's hand is over every single detail of this process, and there is none of it that we can accomplish (or would want to) without Him.

I'm also realizing how important it is for the kids that we celebrate God's goodness at every stage of this journey. Shhhh; don't tell them, but we'll be having a little party at our house tomorrow evening, and there will be cake and ice cream!

And thank you so much for your prayers; we'll eat some extra cake for you!

Just a Little Fun

2009-07-10T15:13:00.007-04:00

Today is Chick-Fil-A Cow Appreciation Day, and it's not too late! Anyone who goes to Chick-Fil-A dressed like this:

will get a free meal at Chick-Fil-A. (If you try to cheat a bit and just wear a cow hat, or paste a spot or two on your shirt, you might only get a chicken sandwich, not the whole meal.)

And while we're at it, if you're in the mood for a laugh (and you didn't get it looking at those pictures), watch this:

Byt the way, Tiger missed out on the fun while having some fun of his own; he was having lunch with Grandma. And you might guess from the pictures that Sweet Pea participated somewhat reluctantly, as she wasn't sure someone of her mature age should be dressing like a cow. This provoked one of the stranger statements I've made as a mom: "That's fine if you don't want to do it, but I'm not buying your lunch just because you're too proud to be a cow!"

Now, go out and have some FUN!!!

Wait Quietly

2009-07-09T20:38:00.003-04:00

From Elisabeth Elliot:

"Few of us enjoy having to wait for something we want. It is human nature
to desire instant gratification, and it is divine nature to do many things
very, very slowly. Growth is always imperceptible. But the farmer
exercises long patience in waiting for his crop. He has done his work and
is assured of the result, hence he waits quietly. He is at rest because
the outcome (barring disastrous "acts of God") is certain. If we could
simply remember that this is true of everything--that God's purposes are
slowly being worked out for his glory and our good--we would, like the
farmer, keep faith and wait quietly.

Lord, take from us all fretting and hurrying and teach us to rest our
hearts in the "ultimate certainty" (Jas 5:7 JBP)."

For Nate and Sara

2009-07-05T21:35:00.004-04:00

Currently there are an estimated 143 million orphans in the world. I read a statistic recently that if 7% of professing Christians in America alone would adopt, there would be no orphans. Realistically, adoption is not the solution to the world's "orphan problem". But for a tiny percentage of those children, adoption is God's solution. Sometimes I am overwhelmed that God is allowing our family to be part of that. Today, though, I am overwhelmed by my emotions as I consider that our friends Nate and Sara will be leaving for Ethiopia tomorrow, and that their children are no longer orphans. In a sense, I guess they never really have been true orphans, since God knit this family together before those babies were ever born. To hear their story, and to see the way that God has paved this road for Nate, Sara, Eden, and Caleb over many years, is to get a bigger view of a giant God. I feel privileged to watch and pray.

For anyone reading this, please pray for God's clear direction in every detail for this family over the next two weeks (and beyond). And specifically pray for Eden's TB test to be negative so that she can come home(they will find out the results on the way to the airport!)

Nate and Sara (whenever you see this), we love you, and I wish you could have seen the size of Tiger's grin when I got home tonight and reminded him that you will be leaving for Ethiopia tomorrow. You know that he (and all of us) will be praying every day.

Walking by Faith (sometimes)

2009-06-27T10:03:00.002-04:00

Well, I did it again. I got hit with a challenge (with our adoption), and I responded out of fear instead of faith. Will I ever get it right? I am so, so thankful that God is patient with me and brings me around, but I so long for a time when my initial response to a trial is one of faith and peace. I would so like to replace these responses by listening to my Father's voice.

I can't do it!!
(You can do ALL things through Me; I give you strength.)

But I'm so tired of all of this; I can't keep going.
(Wait on Me. I will renew your strength. You will mount up with wings as an eagle. You will run and not get tired. You will walk and not become weary.)

I'm just afraid.
(I love you. Perfect love casts out fear.)

What if we heard wrong? What if this isn't what You've asked of us?
(Pure and undefiled religion in my sight is this; to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world. And anything you do for the least of my brothers, you do it for Me.)

But it's so hard sometimes. And it will probably get harder.
(I am your refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. I am the Lord your God, who upholds your right hand, who says to you, "Do not fear, I will help you.")

Can't I just get a break? Can't I just rest?
(Run with endurance the race that is set before you, fixing your eyes on My Son, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.)

He has a word for my every fear, every longing, every anxiety, every whine. I am so thankful that soon after the whining begins, the Word seeps in. And some days, every now and then, my little brain seeks the Word before the whine. Lord, let it happen more often. Let me seek You first every time.
Let me walk in faith and live in joy.

This is my favorite song at the moment. Listen and you'll see why.

Therapy

2009-06-18T19:56:00.007-04:00

Yep. Those are blueberries. And a few raspberries thrown in for good measure. But I'm calling it cheap therapy. It's been a tough week here on the adoption front. Each of the last three days I've received an e-mail or letter informing us of another "glitch" in our paperwork. When I say "glitch", read time-consuming, stressful, confusing, and exasperating. I had no idea that paperwork could make me so upset. Now I completely understand why people call this a "paper pregnancy." I can remember feeling this way when I was pregnant, except then I had hormones to blame!

Today's "glitch" was a letter from the Department of Homeland Security. Of course, when I saw those words on the envelope, I assumed it was our immigration approval. Nope. Instead, it was a letter informing us that our application couldn't be processed due to a (time-consuming, stressful, confusing, and exasperating) problem. I am very thankful to both of the agencies we're working with, as they are both hard at work trying to solve the problem. Meanwhile, our family decided it was high time to go pick some berries. (Because that will solve everything, of course!) It actually did make me feel like a different person. Here's why I think everyone in the adoption process should try this form of therapy:

1. If your berry patch, like ours, is a fair distance from home, you can close your eyes and take deep, cleansing breaths for half an hour on the way there.

2. You can see the fruit of your labors right there in front of you! It never leaves your sight, and the gratification is immediate! (Unlike the adoption process, in which it's so easy to lose sight of the treasure at the end.)

3. All of those antioxidants in the berries will fight against the stress that has built up like a toxin in your body.

Are you convinced? If not, come on over for some blueberry pie. (Baking is therapeutic too!)

On a serious note, a friend reminded me today that Satan hates adoption. Of course we should not expect the road to be smooth. And God tells us again and again that we should expect troubles, and this is yet another chance for us to:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." (James 1:2-3)

I could sure use some of that perseverance. And the joy? Well, let's just say it makes those blueberries look like garbage.

If you would please pray...

2009-06-16T12:20:00.005-04:00

I have to confess that I'm just feeling weary this week. We've hit a glitch with some of our paperwork. I'm waiting to find out if it's easily corrected, but there's a possibility that we will have to redo about 15 documents, all of which would have to be notarized again. The thought of it just makes me tired. Like Moses in battle, I'm feeling as though I need help keeping my hands held up right now.

Furthermore, we're not getting much information about the investigation of abandonment cases in Ethiopia. The orphanage from which our agency gets most of its referrals was one of the original three named in the investigation. If this is not resolved soon (or if the outcome isn't favorable for Enat Alem), I'm not sure what this would mean for us. It's a rather critical time, as we will be in a position to submit our dossier within a couple of weeks, and it's a little unsettling to submit it to our agency not knowing the outcome of this. We are praying that there will be a clear answer before we need to submit the dossier. And, of course, we're praying for all of the children involved who are not able to be placed because of this situation.

God is good! I am not doubting that He will work all of this together for good. I just don't quite know what that might look like, and humanly I would like to see a few steps further than what He's showing me right now. He is giving us a footlight, not a floodlight, and asking us to take one step at a time in faith. So please pray that we will walk in faith and not fear and anxiety. Thanks.

Hooray is not a big enough word!

2009-06-11T10:13:00.003-04:00

I just have not been able to find time to write this week, but I couldn't resist taking a minute to celebrate for our friends Nate and Sarah. They got word on Wednesday that they are now the legal, official parents of Caleb and Eden, who are waiting for them in Ethiopia (though they have already been Caleb's and Eden's Mom and Dad for weeks in God's eyes and in their hearts). Their story is amazing, right down to the fact that they received word that they had passed court in Ethiopia three days before their court date! We are just so happy for this family and thankful that we've been able to watch as God knit them together. This is the family, by the way, who sent us the original video which grabbed our hearts and started our journey to Ethiopia.

By this time next month, Nate and Sara should be in Ethiopia holding their babies. And all I can add to that is "Amen."

Bless our God, O peoples,
And sound His praise abroad,
Who keeps us in life
And does not allow our feet to slip.
For You have tried us, O God;
You have refined us as silver is refined.
You brought us into the net;
You laid an oppressive burden upon our backs.
You made men ride over our heads;
We went through fire and through water,
Yet You brought us out into a place of abundance.
Psalm 66:8-12

Friday Favorites

2009-06-05T21:33:00.004-04:00

This isn't really the "favorite thing" that I meant to write about today, but I've been short on time and this is the best I could do (tune in again next Friday!) And, to be perfectly honest, this really did bring me quite a bit of pleasure this morning. I love scones; why didn't anyone ever tell me how easy they are to make? Of course, they have no nutritional value whatsoever (white flour, white sugar, etc.) Sooooo, I guess we'll eat lots of fruit tomorrow.

Believe it or not, I shared them with the kids. But I had to ask Sweet Pea to hide the last two from me or there wouldn't have been any left for Daddy. Yum!

Fathers and sons

2009-06-05T11:10:00.006-04:00

We recently had the privilege of celebrating the 13th birthday of a special friend. It was a beautiful celebration, recognizing her transition from a child to a godly young woman (which she is!) On the way home, though, there were some interesting conversations. One of my daughters was somewhat anxious at the thought of impending womanhood, and needed reassurance that for the moment she is still very much a little girl. (There are many moments when she's more than ready to take on the role of a young lady, but somehow there was fear in her heart last night!)

Tiger's reaction, however, was quite different. He wanted to know how we would celebrate the birthday of a 13 year old boy! Jim wasn't with us at the time, so we didn't really talk much about it. Later, though, I caught some of the conversation between father and son. I heard some discussion of surviving in the wilderness with only a sleeping bag and a knife (at which point Tiger retorted that he didn't need a sleeping bag!). I don't know (or want to know) where the conversation went from there; I went to tuck the girls into bed.

I know that my husband feels deeply the privilege and responsibility of raising up our son(s) and daughters to know and love God. I am so thankful for a godly father for all of my kids. I am also thankful that someday (soon?) Tiger will have a brother with whom to share his boyhood adventures (the girls have little interest in wilderness survival!). And I am tremendously thankful (and honestly awed) that God would allow us to be used to provide an earthly father to a fatherless child. He is "Father to the fatherless" (Psalm 68:5) and His provision is perfect. I hope and pray that His purpose in our adoption is to call our son (along with all of our children) to Himself. It is one of the biggest dreams I can dream; that God would see fit to allow us to parent HIS children for His glory.

Meanwhile, I'm also quite thankful that I'm the mom. No sleeping in the wilderness without a tent for me. But just wait; later I'm going to post a picture of some lovely scones I made this morning. (And I'll be teaching the recipe to Sweet Pea. And there won't be a pocket knife involved!)